tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39306539480905386402024-02-19T08:34:06.774-08:00Living With My Shadowrambles from the shadow side of life...About living...about living with dying....This is where my heart will pour forth...this is where my shadow will be exposed...this is where I will cry...where I will laugh...where I will become one with that shadow of life...Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.comBlogger394125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-57486937664888453392011-11-30T05:09:00.000-08:002011-11-30T07:01:44.898-08:00# 30 Ending and Beginning...I am actually very proud of the fact that I completed the month long challenge of posting here...well, all but for the day that I posted a poem by someone else...heck, though I had to click and paste it, so that must count for something! LOL<br />
<br />
It has been quite some time since I wrote so often and so much each day, and I must admit that I was rarely at a loss for words...but then those who know me are quite aware of that!! <br />
<br />
So here I am at the end of the 30 days and I reflect on what it did for me...it gave me a since of achievement...it gave me reflection time...it gave me a path back to my voice and my center...it gave me creativity. <br />
<br />
NOW WHAT DO I DO?<br />
<br />
I feel as if this ending is now a new beginning! All who come here know that I started this blog in 2008 to have a place to voice how I was feeling and dealing with the process that Michael and I walked together...from the beginning diagnoses to his passing. This is the place where I could rant...I could cry...I could be honest about how I was feeling at the moment each day...it was the place that I came to where I knew that someone would hold out their hand in the middle of the night to offer me strength...and love...and encouragement when I thought I could not go through another day.<br />
<br />
And what I have realized over the past 30 days is that this blog has been used for a totally different purpose...it is now being used to write heart felt wishes for myself...dreams coming true..love...and living life to the fullest...So I have decided to put this blog to bed...to leave it here...open for anyone in need of some of the lessons I learned over the journey of 3.5 years...<br />
<br />
I am beginning again...I have a new blog and I hope to not only write there but also to share once again my art work with myself and with those who venture there.<br />
Please join me at: <a href="http://patriciajmosca.blogspot.com">http://patriciajmosca.blogspot.com</a> Titled: Giving Myself Permission I am deleting the past 30 days and placing them on that blog...<br />
<br />
I look forward to sharing myself with you...I thank everyone for their love and support over the years...for the friendships I have made...for the compassion I have felt...I cannot tell you in words how much it has meant to me, especially during my darkest days...but today I am beginning again...today, my heart beats for me...today...<br />
LIFE IS GOOD!Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-39044782833548849572011-10-30T19:52:00.000-07:002011-10-30T19:52:16.771-07:00Content...There is a lot to be said about feeling content...it brings a peacefulness to your life...a calm...laughter...happiness...It has been a long time since I have had this feeling. And although I may still have my moments of sadness...lately more times than not I feel content. There is no pressure...no feelings of being rushed...but rather just living in the moment...taking each day as it comes...<br />
There is a lot to be said about feeling content...and that is how I feel at this very moment...<br />
LIFE IS GOOD!Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-5558471419378651672011-10-28T09:58:00.000-07:002011-10-28T10:00:27.185-07:00Time...I have not fallen off the face of the earth...but rather I have been attending to LIFE! MY LIFE! How strange to type that...my life...my own life...<br />
Things have changed so much for me in the past 6 months...My house is now redone and looking more like the person that I am...calmer...and brighter. I had 3.5 years to deal with Michael's passing...and although some people think that things are moving fast for me now I think they are just moving...I know my life did not move over the past 3.5 years...Those years gave me time....time with Michael...time to find out what was important to me...time to believe in myself once again...time that I probably would not have given myself otherwise...or at least I would not have been aware of the lessons that I have learned...And I take this moment to THANK those who helped me during that time...who nurtured me...and believed in me...and helped me along the way...<br />
But...there is a time for everything...and there is a season...<br />
And my seasons are changing...Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-90288706247756181572011-09-04T15:48:00.001-07:002011-09-04T15:50:33.220-07:00The right size!!!!!!!!!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMizbZIZgHNv6FLwmqTVKEaKCg2NXgq6zf7dX9CqgYEwHtkozN2nmzrV91K_LR8dQvykrbiRK_01-UfX7oKmV26mPvUAXYmgmHCmRhDMl_mxCg2oWh4Jo8tTTG093fDS188xNiFB7a-1I/s1600/lea+and+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="206" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMizbZIZgHNv6FLwmqTVKEaKCg2NXgq6zf7dX9CqgYEwHtkozN2nmzrV91K_LR8dQvykrbiRK_01-UfX7oKmV26mPvUAXYmgmHCmRhDMl_mxCg2oWh4Jo8tTTG093fDS188xNiFB7a-1I/s320/lea+and+me.jpg" /></a></div><br />
This is now the size of the picture that I wanted to share!Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-85223168746357072022011-09-04T05:44:00.000-07:002011-09-04T05:44:14.494-07:00Look How YOUNG I was!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFanxpnCaje43J-T0ed2RkIvApgdejiJBM2b3Kk2hb-_NiqKHq6nkAZQLsjniJAUI8RIu_w0MSjtavQVheixye_xhZoh4u-ofpvNNkxDFDxneBDo7JhC-viKHAg8eGtzFSUPPxS8gGUcU/s1600/YOUNG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="84" width="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFanxpnCaje43J-T0ed2RkIvApgdejiJBM2b3Kk2hb-_NiqKHq6nkAZQLsjniJAUI8RIu_w0MSjtavQVheixye_xhZoh4u-ofpvNNkxDFDxneBDo7JhC-viKHAg8eGtzFSUPPxS8gGUcU/s320/YOUNG.jpg" /></a></div><br />
We all have these "youthful" pictures of ourselves!! This one came unexpectedly across my mail this day...MY 60TH BIRTHDAY! I have received many good wishes from friends from my past...my present and my future! Reminding me to CELEBRATE LIFE!<br />
Reminding me that the youthful girl in the picture is still within me! Reminding me that my life is GOOD and FUll...and has been all of these 60 years!<br />
<br />
BE WELL <br />
Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-4110784415779642462011-08-30T06:14:00.000-07:002011-08-30T06:14:47.338-07:00FIRSTS...This is a year of "FIRSTS" for me...Michael's birthday, Memorial Day, 4th of July, the jazz festival, Corn Hill Arts Festival, Park Avenue Arts Festival, Collin's 1st day at Camp and his last day at camp, watching Collin as he proudly rides his 2 wheeler without training wheels!, and now we are coming up on Labor Day...which also marks my 60th Birthday...So how do you celebrate? What is it that you do that is "normal"...that is meaningful? People keep asking me how I am going to celebrate, and I have no idea...It CERTAINLY is a BIG BIRTHDAY! Should it go by unnoticed?... which is what I feel like it should do...I had wanted to be in Paris for my 60th...that is not going to happen this year...maybe it will only happen in my dreams I am not sure, (although I am not giving up on it quite yet) <br />
So, this is a year of "FIRSTS"...Firsts without Michael...Firsts without my friend Marc...Firsts with trying to carve out a life of importance for myself...Firsts are pretty scary things...It seems that fear often stops me for doing things that I would not normally do...and yet, there is a part of me that says " Go ahead...try it...you just might find you like it"...Happiness is SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE! Coming from a place of perfection (completely in my head of course!)holds me back...from somethings, and yet for others I step out of my comfort zone...I wonder why that is? I continue to search for my place...I continue to rearrange my home...my life...so that I can fit back into it...make a new one...form new bonds, dream bigger dreams...recognize that life is for living and loving.<br />
Firsts are very scary things! However, I am trying my best!<br />
BE WELL... Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-31605780152287967822011-08-23T09:18:00.000-07:002011-08-23T09:19:50.457-07:00SO...Just what have I been doing??? Where have I been??? Elbow deep in paint! The kitchen is almost completed...I still have bi-fold doors to put back on...but the painting is done, the cleaning of cupboards, the removal of objects, new table, new light fixtures, new painting...new kitchen! It sort of sent me into a tail spin for a few days as it was a bit overwhelming...and in some way I thought perhaps I was trying to erase Michael...but NO...I am claiming my space! I am brightening my life...one room at a time...and I have also been working on a chair for the Rochester Breast Cancer Coalition ARTrageous Affair Fund Raiser...Here it is:<br />
<br />
Back<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpvv2tyXmh-BmUKZa5DvwhSzjEFu6rtqtyCM4G9CSr9gteUDLnr1AQdtmWRwQrK45rCfQ3elOsL2Lt68e72pCWN1m_6qPVAHIeW9wA6EOJ-hGTIgybtsc6ra0NwSbwlzHl1zpsCSsw_-Y/s1600/back+chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpvv2tyXmh-BmUKZa5DvwhSzjEFu6rtqtyCM4G9CSr9gteUDLnr1AQdtmWRwQrK45rCfQ3elOsL2Lt68e72pCWN1m_6qPVAHIeW9wA6EOJ-hGTIgybtsc6ra0NwSbwlzHl1zpsCSsw_-Y/s320/back+chair.jpg" /></a></div>Full Chair<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVHUrT1Mq56yPlGmI23z7A2wZk0JU-DmnKy0dpm59LEv5xMqGk99GO8n32PQ4tIQW0BbY4l9AcwoBuHG3nugldOPijBNetXTBHgzmXXXcpUoH46kaS3HrBxE1c-J5IcK7wM7ac2RfrAwc/s1600/full+chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVHUrT1Mq56yPlGmI23z7A2wZk0JU-DmnKy0dpm59LEv5xMqGk99GO8n32PQ4tIQW0BbY4l9AcwoBuHG3nugldOPijBNetXTBHgzmXXXcpUoH46kaS3HrBxE1c-J5IcK7wM7ac2RfrAwc/s320/full+chair.jpg" /></a></div>Front<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF-GYh6dPQgRGSHy3dIeGhnwlcQzOHBIfcdx4GCOhDJJxAuHebYKFXsmAkKoOa_gkRicCNtyIfc_Y7NqkF_aRYh-Efp64ayCqilx8s-5rebVPDi7SE93gkjHh9oYx7BIzav_6gg1yapRc/s1600/front+chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF-GYh6dPQgRGSHy3dIeGhnwlcQzOHBIfcdx4GCOhDJJxAuHebYKFXsmAkKoOa_gkRicCNtyIfc_Y7NqkF_aRYh-Efp64ayCqilx8s-5rebVPDi7SE93gkjHh9oYx7BIzav_6gg1yapRc/s320/front+chair.jpg" /></a></div><br />
BE WELL Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-41004843414206410162011-08-10T06:00:00.000-07:002011-08-10T06:02:45.083-07:00revisiting...I returned home from the Celebration of Life for my friend Marc, and I was compiled to revisit my oldest journals from the 70's! One of the reasons was because I had the opportunity to view some of his writings while I was in Baltimore...and what a wonderful mind he had...and I wanted to see where my mind was back then...<br />
To my surprise I was wise then...I was searching my soul just as I am now...I was perhaps a bit "pollyanneish" but then what 18 year old is not...Like now, I wrote from the heart...like now I wrote a bit of poetry...like now I was searching for answers to my hearts questions...So discovering that it is a process of life...never changing but always evolving...<br />
I ran across a letter written to me with the following poem...and it strikes me loud and clear now as an adult where as a child I did not see the fullness of it...I wish in some ways I had, and wonder how my life would of been different (but then I would not be the person I am today, with all the colors of the tapestry of my life, and I would not change that now) But I share this with you today...because the truth of it is powerful for me at the moment...<br />
<br />
I felt like climbing mountains<br />
or using my sunbeam lasso to<br />
herd the sweet dew together and<br />
present it to you on this your unbirthday.<br />
<br />
But I have found that you'r gone<br />
when I needed and wanted to <br />
see you the most.<br />
I had licked my old wounds<br />
and they had healed slowly<br />
but I was well and perhaps a<br />
new and better person.<br />
<br />
Now I have nothing and the <br />
dew is rapidly turning salty.<br />
<br />
It's not in my power to bring <br />
you back<br />
But if it were I would snap<br />
my fingers or rub the magic lamp<br />
and you would be beside me<br />
in golden flesh instead of nothing dreams.<br />
And another snap of the fingers<br />
and we would come close together<br />
until we were one.<br />
<br />
BE WELL. Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-27698144180474147982011-08-05T05:52:00.000-07:002011-08-05T05:52:28.553-07:00CHANGING...Everything I have ever read says that a messy house leads to a messy mind and life...I sort of believe that...it use to be that when I got in the "funk" and a little depressed (OK, maybe a lot depressed) I would clean...But now I am finding that I am in need of change...from the top of my head to my toes...or rather from the roof of my house to the basement! So this week I started in the kitchen...I ripped off chair rail...and resurfaced the wall...and now I am painting...painting my dark terra cotta kitchen to a very light soothing yellow...with white trim...It is a total mess right now, but my mind in clear...I have a mission...a purpose...a direction! One room at a time I am transforming this house...beginning in the kitchen...today, I start to paint...I believe all the prep work is done...(but there are always hidden surprises when you start these projects!)<br />
I am hoping that this change will help me along my path...if nothing else it has been exhausting enough to help me sleep!! (which is a welcome blessing!)<br />
Change is something that we all sometimes want...need and deserve...it is not something that comes easily but these small changes in my home hopefully will direct the other parts of my life!<br />
BE WELLPatricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-31669893336306929942011-07-30T11:32:00.001-07:002011-07-30T11:32:25.557-07:00An E-MAILTHE WOODEN BOWL<br />
<br />
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.<br />
<br />
<br />
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and<br />
four-year old grandson.<br />
<br />
The old mans hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.<br />
<br />
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon and onto the floor. When he grasped the glass milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.<br />
<br />
"We must do something about Grandfather", said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."<br />
<br />
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There<br />
Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfathers direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.<br />
<br />
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he had dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.<br />
<br />
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child curiously, "What are you making?"<br />
<br />
Sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.<br />
<br />
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.<br />
<br />
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.<br />
<br />
That evening, the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped! , when milk was spilled, or when the tablecloth was soiled.<br />
<br />
On a positive note,<br />
<br />
* I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow.<br />
* I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.<br />
* I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you will miss them when they are gone from your life.<br />
* I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.<br />
* I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.<br />
<br />
* I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.<br />
<br />
* I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.<br />
* I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.<br />
* I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.<br />
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.<br />
* I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.<br />
<br />
* I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about.<br />
<br />
<br />
I just did<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-29229771879717182532011-07-24T14:53:00.000-07:002011-07-24T14:53:43.134-07:00Words of Wisdom....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj30Ac5gm5sBRLrMCcthc0yr7Rs95OYYfZJq0_USZH3c5I4YuO8Lmi7Pyi_OKwNl4yR9_e-OPcXSRonhezF7TJrtHe2kJG5TTkUjA1VOW0J7xGNsDiA0FHpDwLJsTEyhqVVuvXe9HWZYPU/s1600/Holstee-Manifesto-Poster-1-585x388.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="212" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj30Ac5gm5sBRLrMCcthc0yr7Rs95OYYfZJq0_USZH3c5I4YuO8Lmi7Pyi_OKwNl4yR9_e-OPcXSRonhezF7TJrtHe2kJG5TTkUjA1VOW0J7xGNsDiA0FHpDwLJsTEyhqVVuvXe9HWZYPU/s320/Holstee-Manifesto-Poster-1-585x388.jpg" /></a></div><br />
This came across my mailbox a few days ago....and boy does it strike a cord with me.<br />
I am headed off for a little 3 day R and R...much needed.<br />
BE WELL.Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-80905008294642087442011-07-22T05:10:00.001-07:002011-07-22T05:11:54.012-07:00quote...this came across my mailbox this morning....a wave of hope came over me.<br />
<br />
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full 0f overcoming it.<br />
– Hellen Keller<br />
<br />
BE WELLPatricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-86084965735115196342011-07-21T07:28:00.000-07:002011-07-21T07:28:46.010-07:00Learning to float...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0GFkVPYiTVbywXfl_YVtpljRb-UudBy4ckyr8dkarPeWrTxd34eLon3FCiyZTGkePqvFZZgWdWagCjBMYPilUtaFpePrrj0jJ08mD0wtcbatY_QKfvfuMg6beoP3REQ8R6E1je05IdyA/s1600/floating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0GFkVPYiTVbywXfl_YVtpljRb-UudBy4ckyr8dkarPeWrTxd34eLon3FCiyZTGkePqvFZZgWdWagCjBMYPilUtaFpePrrj0jJ08mD0wtcbatY_QKfvfuMg6beoP3REQ8R6E1je05IdyA/s320/floating.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Today's journal page...I am staying just above the surface!<br />
BE WELLPatricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-24181832100095010132011-07-20T06:20:00.000-07:002011-07-20T06:21:43.356-07:00Riding the waves...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU2_wpQXLbfaSxsCVvgG4jVvLo3l0232nsmeZ7k_idz0EdUT4rdSbFiIQs7WpuuzLnnQcFxhNodKBq-lepqGRZS88ujd71ckumdROT3dsh7KXqlPQpYGrBRcHVsKyT55hIt6fUeHc18cI/s1600/flowing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU2_wpQXLbfaSxsCVvgG4jVvLo3l0232nsmeZ7k_idz0EdUT4rdSbFiIQs7WpuuzLnnQcFxhNodKBq-lepqGRZS88ujd71ckumdROT3dsh7KXqlPQpYGrBRcHVsKyT55hIt6fUeHc18cI/s320/flowing.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I am taking an online class...and this is my journal page for today...<br />
I am feeling a bit like I am stuck in the sand...as if I can't seem to ride<br />
with the waves...<br />
So, as a friend told me this morning....perhaps it is just time to float! <br />
Because I know that LIFE is this moment...NOW. And that I must live it to the fullest...each and every day...<br />
BE WELL.Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-46017692001171598992011-07-17T16:34:00.000-07:002011-07-18T10:25:03.500-07:00Marc Dana Lane<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6mG8w6RshSLHUbuzuzk7K4e6-h9S8Fe2eAaoyFPzZa02vMUXlqRrgGT1NoTyD2cncLRqauuSXnpha-YMrablH9hiqPe2x5ANatahuldejfiMct2D67eJbdv70XkifgkEnscoUkHtRsU/s1600/mdlane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6mG8w6RshSLHUbuzuzk7K4e6-h9S8Fe2eAaoyFPzZa02vMUXlqRrgGT1NoTyD2cncLRqauuSXnpha-YMrablH9hiqPe2x5ANatahuldejfiMct2D67eJbdv70XkifgkEnscoUkHtRsU/s320/mdlane.jpg" /></a></div><br />
My good friend, Marc transitioned on Thursday, July 14th at 9:29 PM...Marc was the devoted husband to my friend, Lori and the father to 7 children (one, Mary who transitioned after 10 hours of life),and the grandfather to 9. Marc was an adventurer of life, one of the most intelligent people I have ever had the pleasure to meet, one of the most caring people with the sense of humor that is both sarcastic and funny! I have been friends with Marc for more than 50 years...meeting him in grammar school and maintaining a friendship throughout. He and his wife Lori have opened up their home to me to live in several times when I was going through a rough patch...they have opened up their hearts to me always. My heart now bares another hole that somehow I must mend...there was no time to prepare...and little time to even say good-bye...I am so glad I traveled to his home several weeks ago so I could actually see him and talk briefly with him. I had the honor to be at his side along with his family on Thursday. It was a peaceful passing...I have stayed with the family for several days as they try to move past the numbness...I will travel back when they celebrate his life...there was a gathering just for family and a few friends on Saturday the 16th. I will forever hear him say..."HELLO TOOTS" with his wide smile...whenever I walk into his home...he will be dearly missed by me...<br />
BE WELL.<br />
<br />
Marc Dana Lane<br />
Jan. 22, 1950 - July 14, 2011<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkGUgAOrZZXgP6-k19UQPjknwcN764eJZD3AF3-ApSUSgCBZXOiD71nYizAGVp5jI9ZH4M1RInlreulKAVSXo8waEO6VA_QZ3Sq2cLuyjYAtG5im_p0YmDUiTQVwTmxssCdz1gfDBVBk/s1600/mdl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkGUgAOrZZXgP6-k19UQPjknwcN764eJZD3AF3-ApSUSgCBZXOiD71nYizAGVp5jI9ZH4M1RInlreulKAVSXo8waEO6VA_QZ3Sq2cLuyjYAtG5im_p0YmDUiTQVwTmxssCdz1gfDBVBk/s320/mdl.jpg" /></a></div>Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-10239054267487626732011-07-11T15:39:00.000-07:002011-07-11T15:39:46.057-07:00My Friend....There will be no more chemo for my friend of 50 years...there will be no more treatments...no more tests...He has gotten so much worse and they don't expect him to be alive for more than a day or two now...His colon burst and he is full of cancer everywhere...I am beyond sad...<br />
I am so glad that I got to see him when I went to their home a few weeks ago...I am glad we smiled at each other and joked a bit...Another ending for me...another form of darkness...I also grieve for my friend, Pat, who lost her beloved son after a 6 plus year battle...She sent me a note today, that is bringing me some comfort...<br />
<br />
Our former minister of 33 years who now lives in Vermont with his wife said to me the other day "that when life gets dismembered, the way to begin to put it back together is to remember." <br />
<br />
I am remembering my Michael...I am remembering going to visit my friend and how we all attended a baseball game last year and had a fabulous time...I am remembering the love...I am remembering the friendship...I am remembering that they will be forever in my heart...<br />
<br />
I will be heading back to my friends' home in a few days to be with his wife and family...I hope that I will be able to see him one more time to thank him for all the wonderful memories that I will always hold dear...<br />
BE WELL.Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-12571841103251611542011-07-08T05:54:00.000-07:002011-07-08T05:55:15.034-07:00ART HEALSI have the great pleasure of having been gifted an 8 week creativity course....and I am finding out that it came at just the right time..My book is complete and I am just waiting on hearing about the design for the cover...I have finished the trays for Sophie...I am still working on a chair for a charity auction (but I can't seem to just sit and finish this piece so I work on it here and there)...<br />
This creativity course is helping me to make a small journal page of art EVERY day! It is helping me to sail my boat again...opening myself back up to ME...I have hidden most of myself away for the past few years...only allowing myself to venture out here and there...(I tend to punish myself by taking away the things I love the most...must be a learned response!) I am finding that I took the art away because it made me happy...and how dare I be happy when Michael was so sick....BUT ...back it is coming...slowly allowing me to work every day...I am HAPPY! It makes me happy to paint and write and search and believe that I have listened to my heart and have something to say! ART HEALS...I am finding this out more and more each day!<br />
BE WELL...Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-39639774279157123752011-07-05T08:29:00.000-07:002011-07-05T08:32:26.198-07:00Comfortable...I was totally comfortable in my skin yesterday as I hosted the family gathering...<br />
this is the first one I have had at my house where the entire family was present!(actually in several years)<br />
Everyone was having a good time as they arrived at 1:00 and the last ones left around 8:00...<br />
I actually had a wonderful holiday weekend...and felt more like myself than I have in a very long time...laughing and joking...talking...<br />
I think this is a really good sign!<br />
UPDATE:<br />
My friend, started chemo, and after 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital has come home...just trying to get comfortable and heal the best way possible...The chemo treatment is done thru a shunt in the chest and lasts for 24 hours every 2 weeks...they are not sure at this point if it will be done at home or in the hospital... Going back to the Oncologist in 2 weeks....I hope to be back to see them within the next several weeks..<br />
BE WELLPatricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-35994866470099367272011-07-04T06:14:00.001-07:002011-07-04T06:14:42.878-07:00Happy 4th!<a href="http://www.glitterfy.com/graphics/4th_of_July/" target="_blank"><img src="http://img10.glitterfy.com/graphics/170/July_4th.gif" border="0"><br />Glitterfy.com - 4th of July Glitter Graphics</a>Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-83303274129047290332011-07-01T20:29:00.000-07:002011-07-01T20:33:08.997-07:00Strength...I have been out of town helping my friend as she handles the news that her husband<br />
has Stage 4 colon/liver cancer...it was so difficult, knowing all that I know that is in store for her...knowing that there is only so much that I can do to help her and that the journey is an emotional one...It hit me...it ripped at my already torn heart...<br />
So I took care of her overgrown garden while she went to the hospital...I made sure that she ate meals...I talked with her till the wee hours of the morning...I held her hand...I hugged her...I told her that I loved her...<br />
Her husband has been my friend since the 5th grade...he was 2 years older than me and I would see his handsome face walking through the halls in the grammar school thinking as little girls do...OH...HOW CUTE IS HE! But, we actually became friends in church, taking a youth class on Sunday evenings eating tuna fish sandwiches...we could talk to each other...he teased me..(he still does!) We went to proms together because we could be ourselves without putting on some sort of formal attitudes with our formal wear! We are friends...and he introduced me to his wife some 42 years ago...and we are friends...<br />
When Michael was diagnosed in 2008, he and I were shopping one day and we found a necklace with the universal symbol for gratitude...written around the spiral were the words...YOU HAVE ALL THE STRENGTH THAT YOU NEED INSIDE...I have worn this necklace since that day he put it on me...This year for Valentine's Day he presented me with a locket...when you open it there is a working compass inside...This was his answer to my question..."What am I going to do without you?"..."you will find your direction" the card read ...and I placed the spiral on the new chain with the compass and he placed it around my neck...Wednesday morning I asked my friend if she had a silver chain...she found one...and I slid off the spiral from my chain and placed it on hers and then around her neck...we sat on the floor of her bedroom and cried in each others arms...<br />
I know I have all the strength that I need inside...I have proven it to myself over and over during these 3 1/2 years that necklace served me well...Now she needs to know it...I hope the necklace serves as a reminder as she sits waiting for treatments to be done...while she fiddles with that spiral around her neck and holds on to her strength...<br />
BE WELL.Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-41486294125515553362011-06-24T05:40:00.000-07:002011-06-24T05:41:10.328-07:00Ebb and Flow...Ebb and Flow....Ebb and Flow...<br />
It's just the way of the world isn't it! And<br />
once again across my machine came another <a href="http://bonesigharts.com ">TERRI</a><br />
writing that says it all to me.... <br />
<br />
keeper of her heart<br />
<br />
“ she heard the words 'keeper of her heart'<br />
and thought of him.<br />
he always had been.<br />
whether he knew it or not.<br />
now it was time for her to be the keeper<br />
of his heart.<br />
holding it gently, tenderly,<br />
she tucked his heart into hers<br />
and carried him with her always and forever. ”<br />
<br />
~<a href="http://bonesigharts.com">terri st. cloud</a><br />
<br />
Be Well...Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-27683943002870723502011-06-17T07:55:00.000-07:002011-06-17T08:01:24.210-07:00What is it about Fear?What is it that causes my fear??...I've thought about this quite a bit lately...<br />
Fear of failure...Fear of success...Fear of being alone...<br />
With the tides of my life changing...I'm not sure if I am at an ebb or a flow. There are things that are going on around me that fill me with excitement, that allow me to believe that everything is going to be alright...and then right in the middle of that wonderful feeling ...FEAR...pops its head in to say HELLO...ARE YOU GETTING COMFORTABLE?...I DON'T THINK SO! And it runs around dropping its seeds to form weeds in my garden...WHO ARE YOU? it whispers on my shoulder...HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE HAPPY?...SHOULDN'T YOU BE GRIEVING? Do I have to STOP and allow myself this moment of doubt? Allow this fear to overtake the things that are good in my life and are showing me that one foot in front of the other is leading me to places I have only dreamed of before now...that perhaps at one time I was going in that direction but I stepped off that road to be a caregiver...Is it my time? Is it time for me to get back on my own path? <br />
So I give FEAR its 15 minutes of fame!! And I am stepping past it...leading myself into my own comfort (regardless of what others think I should be doing) If I curl up in a ball I will cease to exist...Every day I walk into this studio to bring myself a little closer back to MYSELF...still discovering ME...allowing ME to unfold.<br />
So what is it about FEAR that allows us to stand in the middle of a dream and freeze?Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-31690901007338061382011-06-06T20:25:00.000-07:002011-06-06T20:30:31.713-07:00What I have learned this week...I have been helping a friend...she is having a book published and she asked me to contribute by answering questions...journaling...and doing some artwork. It has been intense work, making me sit back and examine things from all sides. And I am finding so much to be grateful for...truly grateful.<br />
<br />
We all face adversity in our life, how we react to it...how we deal with it is what brings forth our strengths and our happiness. If we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves what do we learn from that?...what happiness does that bring?...Being grateful for the things I DO have instead of what is missing helps me to focus on the day...helps me see my potential...know my strength...see the love that surrounds me...and allows me to take another step forward each and every day...Does that mean I don't get sad...or lonely...or even depressed? No...I still feel all those emotions...but when I feel grateful...when I stay in the moment my life feels good...it feels whole...I feel alive. <br />
<br />
Sarah Breathnach said... <br />
<br />
<b>"When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present....we experience heaven on earth."</b><br />
<br />
How true that is for me lately!<br />
BE WELLPatricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-73362095390154409482011-06-03T05:23:00.000-07:002011-06-03T05:23:03.933-07:00Busy...Busy...Busy...learning...learning...learning!I love this time of year...I don't have to be locked up in the house because of the wind and and snow and the cold...but rather I can throw open the windows and go outside...work to my hearts content in the gardens...sit on the glider and dream away part of the day....Now, I can swing on the new swing I put up for the little love on the big pine tree in the backyard...I actually took a little nap under the gazebo the other day while reading a book....I love this time of year! <br />
I literally have been keeping myself as busy as possible...the night time is the worse with no one around to keep me company or whose company I keep! But I am learning...learning how to sleep a little better by actually turning off the lights at midnight...I am learning to put the tops back on my paint....I am learning how to see some of my dreams come to realization and how to tap into the dreams that are still within me...Would this have happened anyhow? I guess I will never know the answer to that question...but it is now and I am keeping myself busy...and I am learning...and that is helping me to heal. ENJOY your day!<br />
BE WELL.Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3930653948090538640.post-29664354010781339742011-05-30T05:10:00.000-07:002011-05-30T05:12:35.062-07:00LOVEI know I have posted this before BUT...it always resonates with my heart whenever I read it...ENJOY, SHARE YOUR LOVE and BE WELL...<br />
<br />
you love <br />
<br />
“ memories flood in...<br />
regrets tug in one direction...<br />
joys tug in another...<br />
how do you hold a lifetime in your hands?<br />
and what do you do now?<br />
maybe you do the only thing that <br />
ever really mattered -<br />
you love.<br />
you offer love.<br />
you give love.<br />
you receive love.<br />
you breathe love.<br />
you live love.<br />
you love. ”<br />
<br />
~terri st. cloud<br />
<a href="http://www.bonesighsart.com">bonesighsart</a>Patricia J. Moscahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16370400543375022824noreply@blogger.com3