Ebb and Flow...Ebb and Flow....Ebb and Flow...
It's just the way of the world isn't it! And
once again across my machine came another TERRI
writing that says it all to me....
keeper of her heart
“ she heard the words 'keeper of her heart'
and thought of him.
he always had been.
whether he knew it or not.
now it was time for her to be the keeper
of his heart.
holding it gently, tenderly,
she tucked his heart into hers
and carried him with her always and forever. ”
~terri st. cloud
Be Well...
What is it about Fear?
What is it that causes my fear??...I've thought about this quite a bit lately...
Fear of failure...Fear of success...Fear of being alone...
With the tides of my life changing...I'm not sure if I am at an ebb or a flow. There are things that are going on around me that fill me with excitement, that allow me to believe that everything is going to be alright...and then right in the middle of that wonderful feeling ...FEAR...pops its head in to say HELLO...ARE YOU GETTING COMFORTABLE?...I DON'T THINK SO! And it runs around dropping its seeds to form weeds in my garden...WHO ARE YOU? it whispers on my shoulder...HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE HAPPY?...SHOULDN'T YOU BE GRIEVING? Do I have to STOP and allow myself this moment of doubt? Allow this fear to overtake the things that are good in my life and are showing me that one foot in front of the other is leading me to places I have only dreamed of before now...that perhaps at one time I was going in that direction but I stepped off that road to be a caregiver...Is it my time? Is it time for me to get back on my own path?
So I give FEAR its 15 minutes of fame!! And I am stepping past it...leading myself into my own comfort (regardless of what others think I should be doing) If I curl up in a ball I will cease to exist...Every day I walk into this studio to bring myself a little closer back to MYSELF...still discovering ME...allowing ME to unfold.
So what is it about FEAR that allows us to stand in the middle of a dream and freeze?
Fear of failure...Fear of success...Fear of being alone...
With the tides of my life changing...I'm not sure if I am at an ebb or a flow. There are things that are going on around me that fill me with excitement, that allow me to believe that everything is going to be alright...and then right in the middle of that wonderful feeling ...FEAR...pops its head in to say HELLO...ARE YOU GETTING COMFORTABLE?...I DON'T THINK SO! And it runs around dropping its seeds to form weeds in my garden...WHO ARE YOU? it whispers on my shoulder...HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE HAPPY?...SHOULDN'T YOU BE GRIEVING? Do I have to STOP and allow myself this moment of doubt? Allow this fear to overtake the things that are good in my life and are showing me that one foot in front of the other is leading me to places I have only dreamed of before now...that perhaps at one time I was going in that direction but I stepped off that road to be a caregiver...Is it my time? Is it time for me to get back on my own path?
So I give FEAR its 15 minutes of fame!! And I am stepping past it...leading myself into my own comfort (regardless of what others think I should be doing) If I curl up in a ball I will cease to exist...Every day I walk into this studio to bring myself a little closer back to MYSELF...still discovering ME...allowing ME to unfold.
So what is it about FEAR that allows us to stand in the middle of a dream and freeze?
What I have learned this week...
I have been helping a friend...she is having a book published and she asked me to contribute by answering questions...journaling...and doing some artwork. It has been intense work, making me sit back and examine things from all sides. And I am finding so much to be grateful for...truly grateful.
We all face adversity in our life, how we react to it...how we deal with it is what brings forth our strengths and our happiness. If we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves what do we learn from that?...what happiness does that bring?...Being grateful for the things I DO have instead of what is missing helps me to focus on the day...helps me see my potential...know my strength...see the love that surrounds me...and allows me to take another step forward each and every day...Does that mean I don't get sad...or lonely...or even depressed? No...I still feel all those emotions...but when I feel grateful...when I stay in the moment my life feels good...it feels whole...I feel alive.
Sarah Breathnach said...
"When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present....we experience heaven on earth."
How true that is for me lately!
BE WELL
We all face adversity in our life, how we react to it...how we deal with it is what brings forth our strengths and our happiness. If we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves what do we learn from that?...what happiness does that bring?...Being grateful for the things I DO have instead of what is missing helps me to focus on the day...helps me see my potential...know my strength...see the love that surrounds me...and allows me to take another step forward each and every day...Does that mean I don't get sad...or lonely...or even depressed? No...I still feel all those emotions...but when I feel grateful...when I stay in the moment my life feels good...it feels whole...I feel alive.
Sarah Breathnach said...
"When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present....we experience heaven on earth."
How true that is for me lately!
BE WELL
Busy...Busy...Busy...learning...learning...learning!
I love this time of year...I don't have to be locked up in the house because of the wind and and snow and the cold...but rather I can throw open the windows and go outside...work to my hearts content in the gardens...sit on the glider and dream away part of the day....Now, I can swing on the new swing I put up for the little love on the big pine tree in the backyard...I actually took a little nap under the gazebo the other day while reading a book....I love this time of year!
I literally have been keeping myself as busy as possible...the night time is the worse with no one around to keep me company or whose company I keep! But I am learning...learning how to sleep a little better by actually turning off the lights at midnight...I am learning to put the tops back on my paint....I am learning how to see some of my dreams come to realization and how to tap into the dreams that are still within me...Would this have happened anyhow? I guess I will never know the answer to that question...but it is now and I am keeping myself busy...and I am learning...and that is helping me to heal. ENJOY your day!
BE WELL.
I literally have been keeping myself as busy as possible...the night time is the worse with no one around to keep me company or whose company I keep! But I am learning...learning how to sleep a little better by actually turning off the lights at midnight...I am learning to put the tops back on my paint....I am learning how to see some of my dreams come to realization and how to tap into the dreams that are still within me...Would this have happened anyhow? I guess I will never know the answer to that question...but it is now and I am keeping myself busy...and I am learning...and that is helping me to heal. ENJOY your day!
BE WELL.
LOVE
I know I have posted this before BUT...it always resonates with my heart whenever I read it...ENJOY, SHARE YOUR LOVE and BE WELL...
you love
“ memories flood in...
regrets tug in one direction...
joys tug in another...
how do you hold a lifetime in your hands?
and what do you do now?
maybe you do the only thing that
ever really mattered -
you love.
you offer love.
you give love.
you receive love.
you breathe love.
you live love.
you love. ”
~terri st. cloud
bonesighsart
you love
“ memories flood in...
regrets tug in one direction...
joys tug in another...
how do you hold a lifetime in your hands?
and what do you do now?
maybe you do the only thing that
ever really mattered -
you love.
you offer love.
you give love.
you receive love.
you breathe love.
you live love.
you love. ”
~terri st. cloud
bonesighsart
Glorious Day
They said it was going to rain...and it did sprinkle and looked very dark in the morning...but by 12:30 as people were arriving the sun came out...it was a glorious day...sunny and warm so we could be outside...steaks were grilled and everyone was festive and laughing...we sang Happy Birthday to Michael and we let off balloons we sweet messages and we ate pie with lots of whip cream!! People stayed from 1 till 8 at night....It was a glorious day! plans were made to do it every year in celebration of Michael's life...a wonderful tribute! (we even had our funny nose and mustache glasses! IT WAS GOOD! The little love could not be with us yesterday because of school and a commitment that MOM had...so he came today...he wanted to draw a cake picture to tie at the end of his balloon (because Moma wouldn't let him tie a piece of pie to the string!) and off it went high in the sky with words of love from a grandson to his Papa!
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend....THANK A VET!
BE WELL
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend....THANK A VET!
BE WELL
Happy Birthday!
Glitterfy.com - Happy Birthday Glitter Graphics
Today is the day of Michael's birth....he would of been only 62 years old....When I think of it in those terms it scares me a little ... as I am almost 60 and that would not leave me with enough time to do all the things I would like to do...But that is what we all say (there is not enough time!)... we use the "time" factor as an excuse NOT to do something...WELL...I for one am going to celebrate Michael's day...I have made his favorite pie this morning and I have some people coming over for a Birthday celebration cook out (that my son is going to do the grilling for!)The menu will consist of all of Michael's favorite foods. We will toast to his birth, for the pleasure of having known him and having him in ours lives, for his wacky sense of humor and his love of life...we will use this "time" to do some of the things WE LIKE TO DO (without any excuses!)
What can you do today that you've been waiting to do? Give yourself a present and open yourself up to the possibilities of the day!
BE WELL
Things I have to get use to....
There are so many things that I have to get use to now that I am living here alone...
Little things...but things that you just become accustomed to...like:
1. what to eat for meals ..I only have myself to consider and I really don't care for cooking for one just yet...maybe it will grow on me.
2. What to do for the day...outings...Doctors (oh wait there are only my Dr. appointments and I can actually schedule them in advance)not having to go out every day if I don't want to.
3. Not having to be quiet around the house because someone is sleeping...I can be up till all hours in my studio...running up and down the stairs for various treats (oh yes midnight treats!) and I can play music late at night...
Now these are just a few of the things I have to get use to now that I am here alone...I remember when I got divorced from my 1st husband I was THRILLED to be alone...I was HAPPY and JOYFUL...looking forward to making my own decisions about everything! I don't have that frame of mind right now...but then...I did not choose this situation...
BE WELL
Little things...but things that you just become accustomed to...like:
1. what to eat for meals ..I only have myself to consider and I really don't care for cooking for one just yet...maybe it will grow on me.
2. What to do for the day...outings...Doctors (oh wait there are only my Dr. appointments and I can actually schedule them in advance)not having to go out every day if I don't want to.
3. Not having to be quiet around the house because someone is sleeping...I can be up till all hours in my studio...running up and down the stairs for various treats (oh yes midnight treats!) and I can play music late at night...
Now these are just a few of the things I have to get use to now that I am here alone...I remember when I got divorced from my 1st husband I was THRILLED to be alone...I was HAPPY and JOYFUL...looking forward to making my own decisions about everything! I don't have that frame of mind right now...but then...I did not choose this situation...
BE WELL
WCS Monster...
Things can be going along at a fairly normal pace and then it smacks you upside the head...The WOULDA...COULDA...SHOULDA...MONSTER! He approaches out of nowhere to nip at your ankles...punch you in the stomach and slap you in the head...If I knew what I know now I "would" of been a better companion...If I "could" just have another day to say all the things that went unsaid...I "should" of been a little more attentive in the years before he got sick...I push and shove this monster away because I know I did the best that I could on most days...but there were those other days...those days when I did not do my best...I can't go backwards...I can't change them...I can only believe that he forgave me and knows that I forgave him for any of the woulda...coulda...shoulda's! How is it that when we are feeling most vulnerable we just seem to love to throw that WCS Monster into the mix also??? What makes me do that? I am trying very hard today to dive into my work to makes sure this monster stays at bay...I am pushing him toward the window to fall 2 stories...Maybe that will put an end to him today!
BE WELL
BE WELL
How did that happen?
My daughter turned 38 this morning at 6:27 AM!! How did that happen? That beautiful bundle of shocking orange hair and pretty pink face...those tiny rose bud lips...perfectly formed...all ten fingers and toes...TURNED 38!!!!!!!!!!
Of course I was a child bride myself!!..A mere babe of 21...Very young by todays standards but pretty much on cue for my era!
I remember 38...I was married, living in this house that was brand new then...I had gone through my surgery and was mending...both physically and emotionally...Lea would of been a Junior in High School (if my math is correct!!)Life was SO good...
Life is still good...it is just different...and today, my daughter, grandson, son, and mother will gather for a celebration meal...My daughter turned 38 this morning and that makes me OLD! LOL
BE WELL
No Clue...
I have no clue as to what Blogger did with the Sister A ...LOL But it is probably better that it disappeared...Seeing as I have always know she was self centered so I really wasn't surprised....And I am feeling better today...So I will get to those things when I get to those things and not a second before I am ready to do that...I have been working on a project that needs to be completed within the next few weeks...and I have been playing in the gardens...washing windows...putting in screens!! Feeling like I can "bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan"! (if you are to young to remember that commercial I am sorry!)
Some days are just better than others...
I am not close to Michael's family...it consists of his mother, and his two sisters.
His mother is in a Nursing Home and has no idea who anyone is...sister A lives close to us...Sister B lives several hours away...His sisters are 12 and 14 years OLDER than he was making them in their 70's...In the 28 years that we were together I would venture to guess I have been in their company maybe 20 times...and most of those would of been at family weddings or funerals...So, I am not very close to them at all and really neither was Michael until perhaps the past year when he called them a little more frequently than birthdays, and holidays...
Sister A rubs me the wrong way...ever since she said at our wedding "if you hurt my brother you will have me to deal with" to which I replied...what if he hurts me? The answer was: "then you would of deserved it"!
Sister A called me today...the first time since the celebration which was 3 weeks ago...she was inquiring about certain objects that she thought she should have...WHAT? Several of Michael's rings (which he wanted to go to Collin and my son Jason) His war metals...suitcases that one time belonged to their father...and
a few other things...She threw me off balance...out of whack...It was upsetting to me that she would think I should sort his stuff out and call her about things...I had given her things at the celebration....a bible he carried in Viet Nam...a flag pin that he use to wear...and she had requested some of his ashes (which my brother took care of in a beautiful container I purchased) Sister B got a container too and a pin and their fathers pocket watch....(Sister B was grateful for those things)
I felt as if she wanted me to go and collect those things pronto...and I had to sit and listen to how he was her brother and she wanted these things...She can have the suitcases...she can have the family photos...but the other things are unreasonable to me...because as she said she is grieving...they shared the same blood...they were family after all.....So what does that make me?....CHOPPED LIVER?! An outsider of 28 years?! Can you tell she got to me tonight?!! What do you do with someone like this???? Am I required to keep the peace???? The things I want to say would make a sailors face turn red!
His mother is in a Nursing Home and has no idea who anyone is...sister A lives close to us...Sister B lives several hours away...His sisters are 12 and 14 years OLDER than he was making them in their 70's...In the 28 years that we were together I would venture to guess I have been in their company maybe 20 times...and most of those would of been at family weddings or funerals...So, I am not very close to them at all and really neither was Michael until perhaps the past year when he called them a little more frequently than birthdays, and holidays...
Sister A rubs me the wrong way...ever since she said at our wedding "if you hurt my brother you will have me to deal with" to which I replied...what if he hurts me? The answer was: "then you would of deserved it"!
Sister A called me today...the first time since the celebration which was 3 weeks ago...she was inquiring about certain objects that she thought she should have...WHAT? Several of Michael's rings (which he wanted to go to Collin and my son Jason) His war metals...suitcases that one time belonged to their father...and
a few other things...She threw me off balance...out of whack...It was upsetting to me that she would think I should sort his stuff out and call her about things...I had given her things at the celebration....a bible he carried in Viet Nam...a flag pin that he use to wear...and she had requested some of his ashes (which my brother took care of in a beautiful container I purchased) Sister B got a container too and a pin and their fathers pocket watch....(Sister B was grateful for those things)
I felt as if she wanted me to go and collect those things pronto...and I had to sit and listen to how he was her brother and she wanted these things...She can have the suitcases...she can have the family photos...but the other things are unreasonable to me...because as she said she is grieving...they shared the same blood...they were family after all.....So what does that make me?....CHOPPED LIVER?! An outsider of 28 years?! Can you tell she got to me tonight?!! What do you do with someone like this???? Am I required to keep the peace???? The things I want to say would make a sailors face turn red!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)