What is it that causes my fear??...I've thought about this quite a bit lately...
Fear of failure...Fear of success...Fear of being alone...
With the tides of my life changing...I'm not sure if I am at an ebb or a flow. There are things that are going on around me that fill me with excitement, that allow me to believe that everything is going to be alright...and then right in the middle of that wonderful feeling ...FEAR...pops its head in to say HELLO...ARE YOU GETTING COMFORTABLE?...I DON'T THINK SO! And it runs around dropping its seeds to form weeds in my garden...WHO ARE YOU? it whispers on my shoulder...HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE HAPPY?...SHOULDN'T YOU BE GRIEVING? Do I have to STOP and allow myself this moment of doubt? Allow this fear to overtake the things that are good in my life and are showing me that one foot in front of the other is leading me to places I have only dreamed of before now...that perhaps at one time I was going in that direction but I stepped off that road to be a caregiver...Is it my time? Is it time for me to get back on my own path?
So I give FEAR its 15 minutes of fame!! And I am stepping past it...leading myself into my own comfort (regardless of what others think I should be doing) If I curl up in a ball I will cease to exist...Every day I walk into this studio to bring myself a little closer back to MYSELF...still discovering ME...allowing ME to unfold.
So what is it about FEAR that allows us to stand in the middle of a dream and freeze?
rambles from the shadow side of life...About living...about living with dying....This is where my heart will pour forth...this is where my shadow will be exposed...this is where I will cry...where I will laugh...where I will become one with that shadow of life...
1 comment:
Patricia, I have been shamefully absent from many of my favorite bloggers for quite some time. At a time when I should have been attentive and interactive, instead I hibernated within my own cave of fear and despair. In coming out of my own funk I have started visiting again. This is when I found that your precious Michael passed away in April. I know he put up such a valiant fight and that you were so lovingly by his side. Pat, you have my heartfelt condolences. Michael is now at peace and I hope that you have peace as you move on. Big hugs, Barb
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