Random morning thoughts....

So I was talking to a dear heart last night on this machine....we had a conversation about what we and anyone exposes of our self to the world....I mean, how many people REALLY know us?....
I am under the impression that you expose that what you are comfortable with to most people ...but there are a select few who know your heart....Here....I try very hard to expose my heart...to all who read it...but here are some random thoughts this morning that expose me just a little bit more....
I adjust...I am a survivor...I am a strong person (even in times of weakness)
my life has never been nor will it ever be based on what I have...or where I might be going next...for all of my adult life it has been based on the simplest of things
Perhaps to some that is a lack of ambition...not to want to be head of the class...top of the pole...leader of the pack....for me...it has worked...allowing me
to accept and enjoy the smallest of things in life...laughter...love...joy...things that money cannot buy...I have never been one to believe that my situations now or ever was SO BAD that I would not carry on (well maybe a couple times but only for moments in the big scheme of things) but rather I would take a hold of whatever was going on...face it head on...deal with it...and get on with it...
Find the best in whatever was happening...the lessons...and learn and grow...
I believe I have done that a few times in my life....and I know it has served me well....Some people strive for fame and fortune.... but fame and fortune is not high on the list for me...personal satisfaction...love...happiness...top of my list!
my life lessons have served me well to get through what I am going through now...this part of my life where although I am a caregiver I am not the person who is dealing with the struggles...The one thing that it is teaching me...a lesson that is coming through loud and clear is PATIENCE....something that needed to be worked on...and something that I hope I am working on....

And then...

there was NO chemo today! There are just to many unanswered questions...to many symptoms that Michael is experiencing that he will now have to have a CAT scan done to see what is going on...He has a great deal of pain in his legs making it difficult for him to walk sometimes...there is the memory loss and confusion which we thought was chemo related , but are finding out that perhaps it is not....He has constant pain in his neck and shoulders....and trembling in his right hand....Some of this I knew....some of it was something I learned today....When the Doctor was checking his legs he only started to feel her movements around his knee area....
So now we have to wait to get approval from the VA to have the scan done....I am making phone calls today...and tomorrow to get this on the fast track.....
Life continues on!!

Chemo...

Michael's maintenance round of Chemo starts today...This morning so many questions are rolling around in my head that I had a difficult time sleeping last night...And although I am tired I am armed with my list of questions I would like answered if possible....
Wish us luck!

Time doesn't matter....

Last night I had the great pleasure of visiting with a friend from High School....A wonderful woman who I have not seen in perhaps 39 years...(she moved back to her native Greece in 1974)
But time does not matter....
we laughed...we talked...we hugged...we kissed...we connected on levels that were past and present...It was an awakening of the heart...
Life sometimes gets in the way of simple pleasures...we pass over going out for staying in...we pass over bringing people into our private space out of fear...out of time...we pass over the things that perhaps are heart awakening for the routine of our day...we get stuck sometimes in the rut of doing things exactly as we have and forget to put our selves out there...
This reunion of friendship will now become part of my getting out....connecting with others to better myself...to see myself more clearly...to allow myself time to be the girl I once was and the woman I am now...
Yes...this reunion was an awakening of my heart....and my heart sings today because of it...
May you awaken your heart in some small way today!

Happy Thanksgiving....

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING....
As you go about your day, take a moment to reflect on what you are truly thankful for....Feel it deep within you...listen closely to your heart....
My wish this year is that I am aware of all the GOOD things that have happened to me this year.
To be surrounded by the love of family and friends and to smile and laugh with my heart...
To be grateful for ALL the time I have been able to spend with those I love....
To take the moments of joy and cherish them to the fullest...
Happy Day to all....

MY LITTLE LOVE!

My little love had a photo shoot today!! Hamming it up for the camera at 4.5 years old! He bought that Fedora himself at an Antique store...and in all the photos he has his Captain America Costume on underneath his clothes ....The very talented Hannah took these photos....She is a friend and client of my daughters....Take a look at what she does....some people just have such a great eye!! LOVE THESE....
http://www.hannahbetts.blogspot.com

COMPLETE!

Early this morning the Dentist completed the work....All the stitches were removed!
Now...as we approach the holidays they will begin to make the stint and the new teeth!
A beautiful day!!!

Magic...

It took me many years to be able to put my car in the garage....BUT this year I did it!! The garage is clean enough to place one new Kia inside it for the winter months ahead!! All the summer gear is put inside too...the table.. the chairs....the grill.....
AND THEN MAGIC HAPPENS....
It is a beautiful day here in upstate NY....A day for being outside in the sun... for perhaps the last time without a jacket on.....So with no table to sit at....a blanket was spread on the grass...which is longer and will not be cut again before winter....so it gave a soft cushion....and breakfast was served on it...fresh coffee and fruit...french toast and warm maple syrup...apple cider...
and LIFE just can't get much more MAGICAL than sharing this with a 4 year old.....

And so it is...

Healing time....went to the dentist bright and early this morning....have to return again on Thursday....It is now healing time! They got a bit upset with him this morning for not drinking enough fluids yesterday...or having soft foods.....He said .."they kicked my ass" yesterday and he slept on and off ...only waking enough to take a pain pill or an antibiotic...It's just the body's' way of shutting down when we have so much going on I think....sleep...the cure to all....Wonder if I could master that one! Might be a good idea seeing as I survive on about 5 hours of sleep a night....(but then I do take those beloved naps!! LOL)
It is a typical gray and cold fall day here in upstate..(high of 40!) So the heat is on....the car is in the garage....and me....well...I am getting into the paint today....FINALLY!

Finally....if you can imagine...

Today was the final day of the extraction of ALL of the teeth....bone had to be removed today also.
Tough day....lots of TLC going on here....
Can you imagine? I mean really having to have all your teeth extracted! I've only had one done here and there....and that was an ordeal....The dental team is giving out medals for this procedure!
So now he heals.....waiting for the swelling to go down....and the last of the stitches to be removed.
Then on to NEW teeth....to be made and fitted....another series, but the end result will give him something to SMILE about!
Chemo has been postponed till the end of the month...BREAK TIME! Finishing up just before Christmas....So here we are still hanging on....still moving forward....
Makes you stop and think of how strong you really are!
SMILE WIDE TODAY!