Michael has a lump the size of a golf ball in the lymph glands just under the right side of his chin...
The Doctor wants the Oncologist to look at it ASAP....and guess what? He is refusing to go....
I am at odds with this....He wants to wait till August when we are scheduled to go to the Oncologist...as he does not want to know anything before he goes on vacation....
This whole process of him not wanting to go to the Doctor started in February 08....He finally went in September of 08' and by that time he was terribly sick...
When he was first diagnosed with lymphoma in 1985 he had these lumps then...but they were on the side of his neck....
How do you make a grown man do something that you believe he should do if he doesn't want to do it? I am somehow feeling "less than" at the moment because I....his wife....can't get him to go...many think I should just make the appointment....but how do I get him in the car....and from the car to the office? Do I drag him kicking and screaming like a 5 year old?
It's frustrating...and infuriating all at the same time....
rambles from the shadow side of life...About living...about living with dying....This is where my heart will pour forth...this is where my shadow will be exposed...this is where I will cry...where I will laugh...where I will become one with that shadow of life...
1 comment:
Just ask me, I'm full of ideas for Dan...diet, relaxation modes, pacing yourself and on and on...
Guess what; I've never received an enthusiastic reply saying, "Oh, Mom what a good idea, I'm going to try that starting tomorrow." In my dreams.
I think he knows that sometime I have bitten my tongue raw holding back the "I told you so's".
Letting go and trusting him to shape his own response to this journey can be excrutiating.
He just published photos of his dad and his kids fishing on Friday on his blog, they are wonderful! But he was exhausted and in pain during the night on Friday and down on Saturday. I would have recommended he pace himself more, but, luckily, I wasn't there and he made another wonderful memory for he and the kids.
I did help my eight year old granddaughter to start a scrapebook of her summer and she's loving it.
Maybe you do what small things you can??? I just don't have any answers. I do know that Dan's way has kept him going dispite all the doctors have said.
I love you and think of you and Michael often.
Pat
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