This is a year of "FIRSTS" for me...Michael's birthday, Memorial Day, 4th of July, the jazz festival, Corn Hill Arts Festival, Park Avenue Arts Festival, Collin's 1st day at Camp and his last day at camp, watching Collin as he proudly rides his 2 wheeler without training wheels!, and now we are coming up on Labor Day...which also marks my 60th Birthday...So how do you celebrate? What is it that you do that is "normal"...that is meaningful? People keep asking me how I am going to celebrate, and I have no idea...It CERTAINLY is a BIG BIRTHDAY! Should it go by unnoticed?... which is what I feel like it should do...I had wanted to be in Paris for my 60th...that is not going to happen this year...maybe it will only happen in my dreams I am not sure, (although I am not giving up on it quite yet)
So, this is a year of "FIRSTS"...Firsts without Michael...Firsts without my friend Marc...Firsts with trying to carve out a life of importance for myself...Firsts are pretty scary things...It seems that fear often stops me for doing things that I would not normally do...and yet, there is a part of me that says " Go ahead...try it...you just might find you like it"...Happiness is SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE! Coming from a place of perfection (completely in my head of course!)holds me back...from somethings, and yet for others I step out of my comfort zone...I wonder why that is? I continue to search for my place...I continue to rearrange my home...my life...so that I can fit back into it...make a new one...form new bonds, dream bigger dreams...recognize that life is for living and loving.
Firsts are very scary things! However, I am trying my best!
BE WELL...
rambles from the shadow side of life...About living...about living with dying....This is where my heart will pour forth...this is where my shadow will be exposed...this is where I will cry...where I will laugh...where I will become one with that shadow of life...
1 comment:
Do you ever feel like you're traveling down the yellow-brick road? On any given day I'm not sure what I'll run into - a band of scary flying monkeys or a horizon filled with emerald skyscrapers. Life certainly does take courage, heart and brains, doesn't it. And it doesn't hurt to have a pair of sparkly shoes! I, for one, will be glad when the year of firsts is over. That said, how can I not smile when in a few days my first GREAT-grandchild will be born.
Keep dreaming (she says as if she does it all the time!) and believing that Paris is just around the corner.
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