Dirt...

Yesterday I spent the day working in the yard....Literally I spent from 8:30 till 5:00 doing yard work! I got up on my garage roof and painted the cupola that has been there for some 20 years...it was weather beaten and needed a face lift! and I trimmed back the arborvitae that was once 3 feet tall and now has grown up past the roof line of the garage! I have been making way for a new garden with a water feature... I have cleaned out weeds from gardens that have been left unattended for years....I am making an area where a new tree will be planted by Michael and Collin...Why am I telling you about this? Because it came to my attention this morning that working in the dirt gave me a sense of purpose....it gave me the feeling of being in control of something...it made me happy! I guess I was not really aware that I had not been happy....(if you don't count the day that I was told I had to do the IV!) After coming back from Disney (which is the happiest place on earth!) I realized that even though it was a wonderful trip it left me exhausted...but then there was no time to rest....first the PE and then the infection.....So working in the yard allowed me to release a great deal of energy and to see that you have to let things grow in their own time and space....that it is important to have firm roots....and love...and warmth in order to grow properly....I have not been allowing myself that lately....I feel as if I had to be ON....24/7....but what I am aware of this morning (and thank you to those who pointed some of this out to me!) is that I cannot control the outcome of anything that is going on....All I really need to do is provide the love and warmth TODAY in order to establish firm roots....

4 comments:

Brenda said...

Oh--I love that they will be planting a tree together! This is beyond special---I'm smiling....
love you
bb

Pat Dalke said...

Good for you, WOW, you really threw yourself into the task, it must have felt soooo good!

You know I was thinking about you last night and thought how very skewed an outlook can get when you're so very immersed in all the issues and activites that surround this stinking illness. For me I lost sight of any light at the end of the tunnel and it often took just a slight shift in what I was doing to change that.

I hope that the sky was blue and the air cool while you worked, in Chicago we've been having April in June, but I don't mind.

What a great memory for your grandson to plant a tree with his granddad! You are so good at making special moments.

Good job...

t2 said...

Touching the Earth is such a grounding ritual - healing and nurturing for allllll the parts of our Selves. Good for you!

Merry ME said...

My life dramas are nowhere near the same as yours but chaos has ruled for the past few day. After reading your blog this morning I went outside is a very slight drizzle and began replanting pieces of border grass. The dirtier I got the better I felt. I am tired and sore but calm inside. I pray that your relaxation time will give you the serenity you need and deserve.