Ice Cream Sundae for dinner!

Sometimes you just have to let go of the "normal" things in life...Sometimes you just have to break free of the
routine that you put yourself into...Sometimes you just need to let your inner child come out to play...Sometimes
you just have to go with the flow...Sometimes you just need to find the humor in the smallest of things...Sometimes you just need to smile at someone for no reason at all....Sometimes you just have to say "sorry"...Sometimes you just have to hold someones hand a little tighter...Sometimes you just have to let go of those things that are not important...AND....
Sometimes you just have to have an ice cream sundae for dinner!

If it's Wednesday...

It must be Chemo day!  Michael has been losing weight again...a pound here and there, but slowly and steadily every week...I stayed with him while we talked to the Doc's (well they talked and we listened) The biopsy has been set up for tomorrow...his chart has been sent to the specialist...The appointment for the specialist will be September 2nd (a week after the biospsy)...
I went to my Doctor today....had a good long chat with him and I am feeling better...he lets me release some of the anguish that I feel...some of the anger that I feel...most of the fear that I feel...and all of my sadness...It is good to talk with someone who really does not have ties to me accept for on a professional level...if I am acting like a jerk...he actually tells me to rethink that situation and how could I have handled it differently...I am not always righteous!!  He has given me a few new tools to work with and I am feeling much better week by week...
So we are techniqually off now for a week from Chemo...a resting before we see the specialist and see what he has to say....We have a few appointments...Dentist for Michael and then the specialist...hopefully he will feel well enough to go to the movies...or out to dinner with friends/family this weekend...Have a few laughs and enjoy some time away from home and Doctors...
Be Well...

Busy week...

It starts today with a trip to the VA to pick up the Lovenox....That is the drug that I have to inject into Michael's stomach (twice a day) to bridge him till he can get back on the Coumadin ( the drug he takes because of the embolisms) It doesn't bother me to give them anymore, I've become a pro at them!....and it hopefully will only be for a week... Tuesday we hope to do something FUN...not sure what it will be...but a couple hours is all he can tolerate...Wednesday is the 5 hour chemo...Thursday is the biopsy at 9:00 AM...and that leads into Friday when we see the little love if Michael is feeling well enough...(or I will have to figure something out for that) ...  A busy week...an emotional week...but I think we are as prepared as we can be...
I bought some new art supplies yesterday...going to keep myself busy as we wait the week for the results of the biopsy and the trip to the specialist....Busy hands are happy hands!
Be Well.

Life...

Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in your life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for. You have to make a start, and then the law of attraction will receive those grateful thoughts and give you more just like them. (Rhonda Byrne, producer of "The Secret")

For many years I kept a gratitude journal...later instead of journaling I used a set of gratitude beads that I carry with me...rubbing my finger over the five beads I would give thought to what I was grateful for that day....
With all the commotion going on with the urgency of all the tests for Michael...I am reminded today to be grateful....as I pull out my beads and slowly place my hand on the first bead....
Today, I am grateful for LOVE ...having it...knowing it...and giving it.
Today, I am grateful for COMFORT...the pillow top mattress...the morning cup of coffee...words from friends.
Today, I am grateful for WARMTH...the feel of another's hand placed in mine.
Today, I am grateful for NATURE...the song of a bird...the sun shining.
Today, I am grateful for  LAUGHTER...and the difference that it makes.

Take a moment today....what are 5 things you are grateful for? 

PS: The VA "RUSHED" all the paperwork through...biopsy is next week and specialist will be the following week when the results are in....everything is happening very quickly.
Be Well...

 

Long afternoon...

Chemo was yesterday....and after talking with the Doctor before the treatment...Michael agreed to TALK to the specialist...NO TEST...NO PROBING...ONLY TALKING....At this point she needs direction from a Doctor who specializes in this rare cancer that he has...to see if there is any other line of therapy that he could do besides the bone marrow transplant....As he is not really responding to the chemo to this point....They had hoped he would stay "resting"... but he is not...They suspect at this point that the tumors may not be a result of the lymphoma...(not sure how they came to this unless it had something to do with the blood work that was done..I do see that his bad protein level is HIGHER )...but he will be going to have everything biopsied....But as we know that ONLY happens when the VA gives the approval for it to happen....Could be next week...could be next month...Michael says he is in no hurry to do or know anything...
Michael is still in good spirits...and only wishes to ENJOY his life to the HIGHEST quality for as LONG as he has....AMEN!
So we have time with the little love today...I am taking him for a couple hours to visit friends so that Michael can get a nap in....but we are laughing this morning...the sun is shinning....and life is good....
Be Well...

feeling better...

It has been a rough weekend for Michael....He is the first to admit that this round of chemo has knocked the s@#* out of him!  His appetite has not been good....although he feels nauseous he is not getting sick (which is good) ...he has been experiencing numbness in his face...hands...feet...and tired...tired...tired....He even took a nap when the little love was with us on Friday! (so you know he was tired!) And just as he is starting to feel better we will start this process all over again on Wednesday!
I am hoping the Doctor talks to him in a truly honest way then about the bone marrow transplant and at least talking to the specialist...why she wants him to do that...what the outcome would be if he continues to choose not to do that....Some of that burden of trying to get him to go to the specialist has somehow fallen on my shoulders...but I am not taking it on....I refuse to try to make decisions for a grown man...all of this journey I have finally given to him....I step back...I allow him his own voice as I stand in support...love and caring....that is the only thing that I can do....

Treatment started...

Today we found out that the tumors in Michael's lymph nodes are many...both in his neck and under his collar bone...So they started an agressive chemo treatment TODAY...He will have it once a week for 5 hours for 3 weeks have a week off....then start it again for 3 weeks...have a week off...and then another round for 3 weeks. The hope is that it will stunt the growth of the tumors...These tumors were very small in Feb. of this year when he finished his chemo treatment...which means...that the chemo treatment did not work....it did not keep the cancer from spreading. They are hoping that this stronger treatment will do that.  They want him to do the bone marrow transplant...but he is still not willing to do that...and that is his decision so I must stand by it. After his treatment he came home and immediately bought tickets to football games...booked rooms...and made plans...This cancer at this point is not painful...he feels pretty good actually and has a fair amount of strength....So he figures as long as that is the case and because there is no cure for this cancer he is going to do as much as he can for as long as he can...he is going to spend his time doing what he loves to do with the people he loves around him...He is going to LIVE HIS LIFE!  We will all help him to do that with encouragement...faith...hope...and LOVE.

What do you do when waiting?

My friend, Pat, who also knows a lot about waiting wrote:
Turn waiting upside down...I use the time as a gift that was not expected. It's this space where nothing else was planned but the thing that was planned and it hasn't arrived,
I have been doing as much as I can to follow this advice....So I made  homemade spaghetti sauce..I made a cheese cake...I ran some errands and looked at new carpeting...I got the car inspected...oil change...and tires rotated several weeks early...I took a well deserved nap...and read a magazine...
What do you do when waiting?
 

Lost some sleep...

Waiting is a thing I don't do very well...Any kind of waiting...waiting on a ride from someone..waiting in line at the grocery store...waiting for answers is very high on the list of things I do not do well....The Oncologist office called today, and we have an appointment to hear what the results of the CT scans were and what the technicians findings were...and what the game plan will be on WEDNESDAY MORNING!!!!!  So more waiting.... 

don't lose sleep...

When I talked to one of the Oncologist yesterday...that is what he told me..."don't lose sleep"  this weekend...all the results and the game plan should be in place by Monday....Seems that the x-rays are at the office but not the technicians findings....So what we know is:....2 tumors in the neck area...and several under the right collar bone area...but NONE anywhere else...stomach...pelvic areas look good!  So with that information...we are going about our weekend as planned....The son is coming over this afternoon to cook out before he heads off for a 5 day jaunt in Vegas!  We attended the "grip tape"opening last night...and found lots of wonderful art for skateboards...I even purchased a piece to hang in my studio....Mine had not sold yet...but it was early and the show is up for a month....my daughter's 2 pieces sold...and so did my son's piece....VERY PROUD!  And off to a art festival over in the trendy area of the city tomorrow....So we continue on...continuing on!!
BE WELL....

Bonds...

I am not sure how many of you know that I try do affirmations every day...but today, was an eye opener for me.
I listened to my heart to show me what it was that I needed to focus on today....I honor it and YOU who come here by posting it for you here.

helping...
sharing...
opening...
to the
bonds...
with others
for
trust...
strength...
wisdom.

Today, I am aware of bonds...the bonds that protect me...the bonds brought to me by those I trust and care about.
Today, I am aware of bonds...the bonds that I have created by opening myself up...by being vulnerable enough to share my heart..the bonds I have with those who truely walk with me...help me...share with me...bringing trust...strength...wisdom my way.
Today, I am aware of bonds...the bonds that are holding me with love..
Today, I am aware of bonds...how by sharing myself...my fears...my pain...my joys...my love...my life with those I feel bonded with I feel a wholeness.

As I reflect on this week I am aware that I am melding the dark and light sides of my life a little more successfully. By being gentler and softer with myself...my thoughts...my words...I am slowly rounding the sharp edges. I am aware that by spilling open I continue to grow and by the sharing of myself I am feeling protected and loved during a difficult time.  As I reflect on this week I am aware that I do not have to face anything alone as long as I stay open...look at things with a softer eye...and allow others to embrace me with their love.
Artfully Yours,
Pattie

Up date

blood work...CT scan of neck...chest...abdomen...pelvic....
looking to see if there are other tumors....
waiting for the results...and then the game plan...

THANK YOU...

To all those who have contacted me off line...remembering that today we go to see about the lump on Michael's neck...and to all those who hold us in their hearts as we see what is happening with this....I send my heart felt THANK YOU....and I carry your good wishes with me...

From my heart to yours...

BE WELL!

and the beat goes on...

I am trying not to let any moss grow under my feet!! LOL...making lists of things that I would like to have done...that should be done...things that have been put on lists before...but this time I REALLY mean it!! (LOL) I have a lovely living room that has a very "cave" like appearance ...taupe on the top half...a chair rail and then a deep burgundy on the bottom...with Michael's failing eye sight...we have to lighten this up...especially BEFORE the gray winter weather..(as much as I hate to think about that approaching us!) I have to hire someone to do this however...it is just to big of a job for little me!! I am relying on a friend to give me a name of someone who is really good...as much as I hate to see this happen...perhaps change is a good thing! I am finding more and more lately that "change" happens...it happens without you knowing it...it happens with a purpose...it happens because it needs to...and you can look at it from a negative side or a positive side....I am CHOOSING to look at it from a positive side...because we make our own happiness after all...and that is something I am very aware of lately also...
Be Well...