So I have had a very difficult weekend...I've been short tempered...snappy...mad...distant...quiet...unsettled...
just to name a few....So what emotion is it anyhow? As I watch a brick fall here and a brick fall there tumbling around me...I am very keenly aware of the wall I have built around myself especially strong in the past few years...and as it starts to crumble....I am also very aware that the emotion I have been hiding from is SADNESS...pure sadness that Michael is going through this...
WOW! I actually admitted that to myself ...Sort of makes me feel really vulnerable...but also makes me feel very honest...
BE WELL
There BACK!
Over the weekend we noticed that the tumors in Michael's lymph glands were starting to appear again...a little
swelling under his chin and a small pea like lump....This morning...FULL BLOWN tumors....bigger than a golf ball and hard as a rock...(that is how quickly they can progress) So I called the Doc and we went right into the office....they were running around checking with other Doctors to figure out what action to take next....He has already been on 3 different types of chemo in the past 2.5 years...none of them held the cancer from growing very long (the longest was 6 months....the shortest, this time was 3 months) So...on Monday, we are trying another type of chemo....keep us in your thoughts that this one might hold him for longer than 3 months as we are running out of options....
BE WELL
swelling under his chin and a small pea like lump....This morning...FULL BLOWN tumors....bigger than a golf ball and hard as a rock...(that is how quickly they can progress) So I called the Doc and we went right into the office....they were running around checking with other Doctors to figure out what action to take next....He has already been on 3 different types of chemo in the past 2.5 years...none of them held the cancer from growing very long (the longest was 6 months....the shortest, this time was 3 months) So...on Monday, we are trying another type of chemo....keep us in your thoughts that this one might hold him for longer than 3 months as we are running out of options....
BE WELL
A new development...
Ever since this journey began in 2008 Michael started complaining about an annoying ringing in his ears.
Because we have been in the thick of so many other things involved with this disease, it was put on the back burner. But, I began to notice that he was either "not listening" to me (which is not uncommon for men to do!! LOL) or there was something wrong because he was giving me wrong answers to some of the questions I would ask...When confronted he would just brush it off...but it has been increasing to almost a constant. Today we went to have his hearing tested...he has a good deal of hearing loss in his right ear and partial hearing loss in his left ear...we will be making an appointment with and ears, nose and throat specialist as soon as it is approved by the VA. We are not sure if this hearing loss is from the Waldenstrom or if it is just the progression of age...but he is only 62...His lymph node tumors are reappearing under his chin, so I will call the Oncologist tomorrow...
If you are a regular visitor here you might see Merry Me here too....Please send out warm hugs and blessings to her...She lost her father on Sunday. She has been a blessing to me in so many ways ....You are in my thoughts Mary!
BE WELL
Because we have been in the thick of so many other things involved with this disease, it was put on the back burner. But, I began to notice that he was either "not listening" to me (which is not uncommon for men to do!! LOL) or there was something wrong because he was giving me wrong answers to some of the questions I would ask...When confronted he would just brush it off...but it has been increasing to almost a constant. Today we went to have his hearing tested...he has a good deal of hearing loss in his right ear and partial hearing loss in his left ear...we will be making an appointment with and ears, nose and throat specialist as soon as it is approved by the VA. We are not sure if this hearing loss is from the Waldenstrom or if it is just the progression of age...but he is only 62...His lymph node tumors are reappearing under his chin, so I will call the Oncologist tomorrow...
If you are a regular visitor here you might see Merry Me here too....Please send out warm hugs and blessings to her...She lost her father on Sunday. She has been a blessing to me in so many ways ....You are in my thoughts Mary!
BE WELL
Here I am...
I am deep into this class....LEARNING...DISCOVERING (RE-DISCOVERING)...EXPLORING...
Finding myself as I do a time line of my life....It is very hard at times...and yet very wonderful at others...
But the biggest thing I am learning is...the things that we thought took up so much of our lives ONLY
took up such a little space on the time line...but shaped how we feel, how we look, how we interact with
others and ourselves. I am unlocking and re-discovering things about myself which is allowing me to make
sense of why I feel the way I do about so many things...and how I need to let some of it slip away...
SO...I AM HERE...( just sort of working in the studio)
It has been a mild week....Blood work Monday has come and gone along with the final shot for the boosting
of the white cells (well at least until we have the blood counts checked again) I had my bone density test done...and I do have some problems with Osteoporosis...A game plan will be put into action for that (just like Sally Fields! What do you want for a 59 year old!)
All in all....It's feeling good once again to be ME!
BE WELL...
Finding myself as I do a time line of my life....It is very hard at times...and yet very wonderful at others...
But the biggest thing I am learning is...the things that we thought took up so much of our lives ONLY
took up such a little space on the time line...but shaped how we feel, how we look, how we interact with
others and ourselves. I am unlocking and re-discovering things about myself which is allowing me to make
sense of why I feel the way I do about so many things...and how I need to let some of it slip away...
SO...I AM HERE...( just sort of working in the studio)
It has been a mild week....Blood work Monday has come and gone along with the final shot for the boosting
of the white cells (well at least until we have the blood counts checked again) I had my bone density test done...and I do have some problems with Osteoporosis...A game plan will be put into action for that (just like Sally Fields! What do you want for a 59 year old!)
All in all....It's feeling good once again to be ME!
BE WELL...
Sunday...
The week went off without a hitch...well, except for the snow! Only one day was a bit hard traveling in the weather...But for the moment the blood counts look good....most of them are at the bottom of normal...which
hasn't happened in 2.5 years! So the booster shot has helped...making it worth all the running around...
He has one more shot on Monday and then he is OFF for a week! YA-HOO! And the calendar looks pretty good for next week...Actually it is ME that has Doctor appointments..So hopefully this week I can really dive into the online class that I am taking....doing a lot of soul work! I am off to a TI-CHI 2 hour special class today
which I am looking forward to...and then into the paint in the studio to work on my journal...Life feels really good!
BE WELL
hasn't happened in 2.5 years! So the booster shot has helped...making it worth all the running around...
He has one more shot on Monday and then he is OFF for a week! YA-HOO! And the calendar looks pretty good for next week...Actually it is ME that has Doctor appointments..So hopefully this week I can really dive into the online class that I am taking....doing a lot of soul work! I am off to a TI-CHI 2 hour special class today
which I am looking forward to...and then into the paint in the studio to work on my journal...Life feels really good!
BE WELL
The weeks game plan...
Michael will be getting the white cell booster shot every day this week! Hopefully this will knock some of those cancer cells out of commission! Plus we have 2 different Doctor appointments this week....Guess it will be a week of running around town...hope the weather holds as I hate driving if it is snowing really badly...
As for me...I start an online class tomorrow...I am very excited as this is FOR ME! RE-DISCOVERING ME!
And I have actually been in the studio the last few days...working on some things...but I still need to clean it...
Maybe tomorrow (famous last words!!)
BE WELL...
As for me...I start an online class tomorrow...I am very excited as this is FOR ME! RE-DISCOVERING ME!
And I have actually been in the studio the last few days...working on some things...but I still need to clean it...
Maybe tomorrow (famous last words!!)
BE WELL...
Long week...
It was a long week of chemo and the side effects from it...but we seem to be getting through. Michael's
counts were still very low, although the shot did help spike the White cells....So the chemo dose was cut in half.
It still took the same amount of time to administer, but the strength was less. He is going to have all his counts redone again on Monday along with another booster shot to increase the White cells...So here is a little FYI:
The white blood cells have a rather short life cycle, living from a few days to a few weeks. A drop of blood can contain anywhere from 7,000 to 25,000 white blood cells at a time. If an invading infection fights back and persists, that number will significantly increase.
Because Michael's cancer is of the blood...The cells are large and take up a lot of space in the bone marrow, not allowing enough of these white cells or red cells to be made....So the shot helps the body to manufacture more...they just don't last very long.
BE WELL...
counts were still very low, although the shot did help spike the White cells....So the chemo dose was cut in half.
It still took the same amount of time to administer, but the strength was less. He is going to have all his counts redone again on Monday along with another booster shot to increase the White cells...So here is a little FYI:
White Blood Cells: Battling Blood Cells
Whenever a germ or infection enters the body, the white blood cells snap to attention and race toward the scene of the crime. The white blood cells are continually on the lookout for signs of disease. When a germ does appear, the white blood cells have a variety of ways by which they can attack. Some will produce protective antibodies that will overpower the germ. Others will surround and devour the bacteria.The white blood cells have a rather short life cycle, living from a few days to a few weeks. A drop of blood can contain anywhere from 7,000 to 25,000 white blood cells at a time. If an invading infection fights back and persists, that number will significantly increase.
Because Michael's cancer is of the blood...The cells are large and take up a lot of space in the bone marrow, not allowing enough of these white cells or red cells to be made....So the shot helps the body to manufacture more...they just don't last very long.
BE WELL...
this years word...
Every year now for several I have picked a word to focus on....
this year:
is the word I have choosen...
this year:
REDISCOVER
is the word I have choosen...
It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence
that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us,
as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.
that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us,
as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.
K.T. Jong
Questions...
I am going to rediscover MYSELF this year....taking care of my health...and making use of my time better...
While cleaning in the studio today I came across this poem that I wrote down (who knows when) and it struck a cord in me....
what in your life is calling you?
when all the noise is silenced,
the meetings adjourned,
the lists laid aside,
and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest,
what still pulls on your soul?
in the silence between your heartbeats hides a summons.
do you hear it?
name it, if you must,
or leave it nameless,
but why pretend it is not there?
...The Terma Collective
While cleaning in the studio today I came across this poem that I wrote down (who knows when) and it struck a cord in me....
what in your life is calling you?
when all the noise is silenced,
the meetings adjourned,
the lists laid aside,
and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest,
what still pulls on your soul?
in the silence between your heartbeats hides a summons.
do you hear it?
name it, if you must,
or leave it nameless,
but why pretend it is not there?
...The Terma Collective
thought for the day...
Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you truly love....
...Rumi
...Rumi
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