Ever have one of those days?...weeks?...maybe months? where you just did not feel like yourself! Your true self...I am feeling that way....I feel as if I have a heavy blanket over me and I am buried underneath it....I can go about doing ALL the things that I have to do, but I can't get out from underneath this blanket....And to make matters worse, if someone comes to try to help me take the blanket off....I pull it tighter and tighter around myself.
I know that I am trying to protect myself...I know that things in my house are changing...I know that one should not carry all of this on ones shoulders alone....I know all of this...and yet I am still under the blanket...
At least today, I have now verbalized it....maybe that will help me really peak my head out from underneath...
Have you ever had one of those days?...weeks?...maybe months?....
BE WELL
rambles from the shadow side of life...About living...about living with dying....This is where my heart will pour forth...this is where my shadow will be exposed...this is where I will cry...where I will laugh...where I will become one with that shadow of life...
2 comments:
Hugs. Verbalizing is a step. Pretty soon there will be another step. Blanket is a good comfort. Hugs.
Oh Patty, if I could, I'd make you a cup of tea, sit you on your couch and let you snuggle into your blanket.
In fact one of the best things of the horrendous last couple of months, was the big furry green (really big, really green) blanket a friend brought to me while Dad was in the hospice facility. I would never have thought of giving a blanket as a gift, but it was the best. And now, when I'm not in the fetal position in the bed, under the blanket, I carry it with me in my mind - not quite like Linus - more like King Tut - all wrapped up and mummified.
I've been struggling with all kinds of feeling. I have been reminded that all that is very normal and to be expected. Today I have given myself permission to feel all of it. Try to remember you are not alone. It will feel that way, because who can really understand? No one. That's the irony. Your journey is personal and universal at the same time.
I hold you close in my heart. I send big hugs to both Michael for your strength and bravery. If you need to talk (write) I'm just an email away.
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