Taking Care of Myself...

As this part of my life unfolds...so many people have asked: ARE YOU TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF?...Well...how does one answer that question?...Do I get up every day? Do I remember to brush my teeth...comb my hair...shower ...shave and s#!%?...Do I remember to eat? To sleep? On a good day I do remember to do all of those!!! But do they mean...do I remember to honor myself as a person? Do I give myself time off for good behavior? Do I spend time with myself doing my creative work? To that I must truthfully answer No I do not....I try...some days I actually succeed at it (take yesterday...I actually went to the movies as a gift of 2 hours out of the house with my sister)
Mostly I am finding that I am giving up...giving away...the things that mean the most to me...WHY? Why am I doing that? Because it doesn't seem somehow right that I should have some happiness in my life? That because my good husband can't do the things that he use to love that I should play the martyr and deny myself the things that are important to sustain me? That I should sit on the sofa and watch him as he sleeps? Making sure he is breathing properly...
I do not believe that I am the only person who does this....But WHY??? Why would I give up all the most important things...the things that bring me happiness...the things that feed my soul...
the things that allow me to LIVE LIFE FULLY...Why do I feel guilty for not being sick?
Who does this help??? It certainly does not help me to be strong...to believe...to love better...to hold on tighter....So today, I pull out the drawing pad...I pull out the paint...and I start to do a project that has been in the virtual making....Today....I am taking care of myself...at least for a little while...without ANY GUILT!! (at least that is what I am telling myself at this moment!!)