The Doctor was not pleased that we did not call with the numbness that is going on in his jaw and chin on the right side....this is a side effect and could mean trouble....they are doing the chemo today with an additional drip added BUT if the numbness continues...or gets worse...I HAVE TO CALL! Now, I know Michael heard that...and chemo brain or not I HAVE TO CALL!! He definitely does not remember much in the short term department these days....long term is no problem...but I did tell him that the chemo brain or not I would follow the Doctors orders and my own gut....which my gut did tell me to call last week, but I followed his wishes....
And here is where the frustration comes in.....When do you over step someones' wishes????? This really is his journey...but if I don't do all I can to prevent some unforeseen thing from happening do I have to take the blame for it??? If I don't call the Doctor because of a request from him am I being a bad wife....or a good wife?????
For today, the sun is shining once again here in upstate NY....you might think we were on the verge of Spring...but we who live here know better!! But there is very little snow on the ground, even though the temperture is cold...the sun is out and "I feel fine" (as the Beatles would say!)
(me in short sleeves!! a little to sauna like!!) and he tells me he has a shooting pain in his left side of his face....his lip is numb on that side also....I mean, the pain was so bad that he actually took a pain pill....and that never happens, even when he was having his teeth extracted....So, I said to him that I am going to call the Doctor....he says....wait till morning....Fast forward to a few hours sleep for me....and he says when asked how he is this morning....still wrapped in a blanket....OH...GOOD...really....GOOD.....
She said to herself.....Do I believe this?????????????????? Or does he just not want me to call the Doctor??????? HUMMMMMMM.....she said to herself! Have to keep my sleepy eyes open today!
The CAT scan did not show anything sinister.....but that means that more tests will have to be preformed to find out why there is so much pain in his legs and shoulders...neck...head....
Chemo did start again today....It will run for 6 weeks....One day a week (Mondays) and the drip takes 6 hours because of the strength of the solution.....So, I came home today to wait for some of those hours to pass....
Any testing will take place after the 6 weeks of chemo is over....And we need to see what his reaction to the chemo is going to be....
All in all.....Life continues on....one day at a time....
And we have an appointment at the office on Monday morning at 9:30....AND chemo will start Monday after they tell us about the results from the CAT scan....
OK....SO....I don't know anymore than that....I am a little anxious now....just having received this call....Is it good news???? Is it bad news???? OK ... SO...what does this all mean?????
So another 6 more days of waiting....Guess I'll keep cleaning!!
Now how was he to know that, that very song was a favorite of mine?!! Because when I was a little girl my Father use to sing it to me...and my Father also gave me a music box that played that tune (which has long since disappeared much to my dismay)....How was he to know? How was he to know how much that could of possibly touched my heart?
And thru the ups and the downs....the ins and the outs of these 25 years (actually we have been together 27) he still tells me every day that I am the Light of his Life.....
Today I remember that moment that love entered my heart....
And then I remember, that even if it is not done perfectly it just doesn't matter!
What are some games or activities you like to do that you find challenging and fun? (Resilience)
1. play in my studio (at least when it is not so messy)
2. try new projects....making dolls...new art supplies
3. going to galleries and art openings
4. trying to do several things in one day!
What are some games or activities you like to do that make you laugh? (Emotion Awareness)
3. talking with friends
4. brain storming
What are some new things you've been wanting to try? (Goal Setting)
1. learning a foreign language (maybe French for that trip to Paris!)
2. learning how to use Fimo
3. making jewelry
What are some things you can do that leverage your strengths and skills? (Empowerment)
1. say NO when I mean NO
2. stay true to my spirit
3. laugh more in the face of adversity
4. not let things (little) get to me so much
What are some things you can do that are fun and will make someone else happy? (Optimism)
1. give things away for no reason...pieces of art...random acts of kindness
2. call my mother more often
3. bake for someone else
4. share myself more freely with others without candy coating