Fear Factor....

Upon seeing the Doctor today, they have added another medication to his chemo cocktail...
So this new cocktail will take 6 hours to administer...There is only 2 more cocktails to go....and if
these 3 new concoctions do not take hold...if they do not stop the growth of this protein that is being made in his bone marrow at a pretty good rate...(we know that because of the blood washings that still have to be done as his protein rate rises) then we have to have the SIT DOWN and get the final facts...the sit down that tells us if there is anything MORE that they can do to stop the growth of this protein....the sit down that hands us our future....Now that certainly is a FEAR FACTOR!! I am holding onto HOPE....I am holding onto FAITH....I am holding ON....as is Michael that we have MORE time to do the things that we have planned to do...MORE time to enjoy the time with our grandson...MORE time to be able to see the warm weather....MORE TIME!
We have not had a "perfect" marriage...but then I doubt that anyone can say that they have...We have been together for some 26 years...making it through the good and the bad years....I am learning that letting go of things I have held on to is the best possible thing to do at this moment...To forgive myself...and forgive Michael...to forgive others for past hurts and to ENJOY what time we have together...to laugh more...to talk more...to gather together more with those we love...
But when you put in the FEAR FACTOR....it leaves me knowing that MORE is a word that comes to mind....
Be mindful today...to kiss those that you love....to hug and hold them just a little bit tighter...and to tell them that you love them....as none of us ever know just how much MORE time we have...