" I HAVE always had the POWER!"

It is another day of blood washing before me....and I am turning a corner...turning over a new leaf...seeing things with new eyes!! LOL....Today, I am taking these 3 hours for myself!! That's right you read it correctly!! I have decided that my friend gave me GOOD advice...(although they did tell me the next day that "you did not learn anything NEW")...with that knowledge in hand I was reminded of a painting I did for one of the quotes I love so much...." You don't have to be afraid anymore....you have always had the power" from Glenda the Good witch of the North said to Dorothy as she clicked her heels 3 times to return to Kansas! So I am returning to Kansas today...I am clicking my heels 3 times...I am taking these 3 hours and settling in to the comfy chair that they provide....I am reading my good book....I am giving myself back the power to RELAX!
Michael is in GOOD hands with these Doctors....he is being cared for the BEST way they can...they are doing ALL that they can...all the worry....all the down time I give this will not change a thing...One good and fine thing that is coming out of this within the last months is that Michael is changing too....He is becoming more open...he is becoming more loving....he is becoming more comfortable with being out of work and taking all this in stride.(did I indeed NOT think for one moment that his life has been completely turned upside down? Did I ONLY think about how this was affecting me?) He is letting me in to some of his emotions and our bond is growing stronger for it....Things are shifting...and perhaps that is part of the lesson of all of this....things "happen" in everyones' life....and we sometimes hold onto the "bad" things so tightly that we have no idea how to let the good things in anymore....thus we give away our power! I have been feeling the shift within myself within these past months(realizing that I have been holding onto the bad things and not embracing all the good things) ....I have seen first hand what living with this did in a negative way...the fear...the unhappiness....SO TODAY....I focus on what GOOD is coming out of this...and believe me when I tell you, there is a lot of good....I am growing a little more comfortable with my role as caregiver (although I am sure I will complain now and then...grow tired here and there..but I believe that is natural) I am getting use to driving the BIG JEEP (which in itself may not seem like a big deal, but it is!! (LOL)... to the point where I am thinking of selling my little Oldsmobile Alero in the spring...I mean, we don't need 2 cars!) I am seeing once again the strength that I have that comes from the inside...I am beginning once again to see the logic of myself and the intelligence that I have...I am beginning once again to BELIEVE that everything is possible to handle once I allow myself to see the lesson...I am beginning to see once again what allowed my marriage to survive these 26 or so years....I am beginning to realize that love is a very powerful thing....and today, I give myself back some of that power!

4 comments:

swaney3 said...

Enjoy it, you deserve it.

Linda Bannan said...

Oh Pattie, I love hearing the sounds of power and glory in your voice. My heart is with you.

Barb said...

Pattie, you are a wise and wonderful voice for anyone struggling with life-changing situations, especially caregivers.

Hugs

queenmum said...

HIP HIP HOORAY !!
You are onto something fantastic here, Pattie. Hang onto it.You've got a good grip - don't let go.
Power gives a comforting sense of control.
Keep trucking !!
(Congrats on bringing the JEEP to its knees!)
QM