Just as I was settling in for my nap...the phone rang....I was NOT going to answer it...but seeing as we both have elderly parents...not always the BEST idea...
It was the Doctors office....and we are off to the hospital for TESTS tomorrow....CT scan...EKG...and a few others...So there goes those nice days off! OH WELL....things change around here...can't get to comfy even on the sofa for a nap!! LOL....I am learning to roll with the flow! Not such a bad thing to learn!
Monday...Monday...so good to me!!
It was a crazy day at the Doctors office...a round of blood work took nearly 3 hours...because of the holiday and the office being closed for 4 days (Thurs thru Sunday) the patient load was overwhelming both for the staff and for the patient (and the patience!!)....Lots of people waiting because the seats to receive treatment were all full....I hate to see how many people actually come there....but the good news is....all the blood work looked pretty good...and so they have decided to hold off for the chemo which will be on Friday this week because they are closed on Thursday....there will be the typical work up to the chemo...talking with the Doctor to see where we are at...and then, the long treatment of 5 hours worth of chemo....hopefully the side effects will be less this time....But this Monday, although longer than usual has been good to me....Just need to keep a watchful eye on things as usual....but I am happy to have off, as is Michael....SO GOOD!!
Feeling Awake!!
Doing the Grandma's ROCK dance on Christmas Day...to what else...GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!! LOL....But doesn't this just say it all about the holidays!! The joy...the laughter...the wonderment....Makes you feel very much AWAKE! (can't help but join in the fun!
Those little ones are contagious!!)
A giggle...
Merry Christmas to all....
Press the link and turn on your sound!! (it takes a minute or two to download!)
A little giggle to you....from me...
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/yenm275e6XjHE7t0RWqr
Press the link and turn on your sound!! (it takes a minute or two to download!)
A little giggle to you....from me...
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/yenm275e6XjHE7t0RWqr
Another Day Down...
Today, we went for the blood washing...I actually had a nice time there today...the office was very festive and everyone...even the patients seemed to be in such good spirits with the approaching holiday...there was cookies...and candy...and a YUMMMMMMY fruit arrangement from editable arrangements (the fruit is cut in the shape of stars and dipped in chocolate...there is melon...and strawberries...and pineapple and orange slices...and the smell is so sweet and heavenly) If you have never had one...I swear they are the best thing!!! The staff was at their peak of perfection as usual...and today was a good day!! Hopefully now, all will be well...there are some side effects tonight...but I will monitor them closely.... as I prepare for the holiday here at home with family...I am actually feeling somewhat like a kid tonight as I start to arrange and rearrange the house for the 14 people who will be here for brunch....the wine glasses are washed for mimosa's ...the cocktail glasses in neat rows for the bloody mary's ...and ME....I don't have to drive anywhere that day...So I can have a cocktail or two!! LOL
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL....................
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL....................
Ho-Ho-Ho...
Blood work Monday!
And without a doubt we are traveling once again back to the Doctors' office this afternoon to do the blood washing!! Not only today...but tomorrow also. I had held on to great hope that this would not be happening this week....I had hoped that perhaps the chemo cocktail would of done more work to slow down the progression of this protein....I had hoped that the holiday would be treatment free....But alas....A hearty HO-HO-HO to me!!!
And without a doubt we are traveling once again back to the Doctors' office this afternoon to do the blood washing!! Not only today...but tomorrow also. I had held on to great hope that this would not be happening this week....I had hoped that perhaps the chemo cocktail would of done more work to slow down the progression of this protein....I had hoped that the holiday would be treatment free....But alas....A hearty HO-HO-HO to me!!!
Hugs...
Last night I got to go to a Christmas Open House....and then out to meet a friend ... It was such a NORMAL night in a lot of ways...and yet it was not at all normal because I have not been doing such things for the past months....And today, I am ever so happy from having given myself permission to do that...To see people I have not seen in years...to connect in a healthy way...no illness...no talk of illness...just laughter and HUGS.....
What is it about the power of a hug? I still feel those arms of friends wrapped around me....I still feel the power of the feelings put behind those hugs....Now, some of the people that were at the party DO know what is going on...Some of them have no idea...So some of the hugs held a different meaning than others...but all of them brought powerful messages....Today, I wish that I could reach out and HUG all of you who come here....So if you would please...take your right arm and place it on your left shoulder....take your left arm and place it on your right shoulder...Now....squeeze...tightly
warmly ...and lovingly....CONSIDER YOURSELF HUGGED!
What is it about the power of a hug? I still feel those arms of friends wrapped around me....I still feel the power of the feelings put behind those hugs....Now, some of the people that were at the party DO know what is going on...Some of them have no idea...So some of the hugs held a different meaning than others...but all of them brought powerful messages....Today, I wish that I could reach out and HUG all of you who come here....So if you would please...take your right arm and place it on your left shoulder....take your left arm and place it on your right shoulder...Now....squeeze...tightly
warmly ...and lovingly....CONSIDER YOURSELF HUGGED!
12 to 15 inches!!
It snowed!! Yes...12 to 15 inches...and I have been wondering how the heck am I going to get out of the driveway!! Good thing that Jeep (that I now have a greater appreciation for!) has 4 wheel drive! And I hear the sound of a snow blower....And it sounds as if it is in my driveway!! Sure enough....My nieces' husband came over and is blowing the driveway clear...He moved the cars, as there is NO room in the garage for a car....Heck that is filled with junk from everyone that needs a space to unload things!! (And of course I never say NO!!)...So once again I am reminded in the smallest and the biggest of ways that people are watching out for us...that people are coming over unasked and doing the things that will help us out right now....That I am blessed to have these people in my life....
I talked to a friend today who I have not talked to in a couple years (each of us having our lives filled with the wonder of grandchildren) and each of us taking care of the adversities in our lives...But nothing was different...We talked...we laughed...we told our stories to one another as if over a cup of coffee or a cup of tea....Two girlfriends separated by distance of space...but never distance of heart...
Today...I am counting my blessings....from 1 to 15!
(or from infinity and beyond....as Buzz Lightyear would say!!)
I talked to a friend today who I have not talked to in a couple years (each of us having our lives filled with the wonder of grandchildren) and each of us taking care of the adversities in our lives...But nothing was different...We talked...we laughed...we told our stories to one another as if over a cup of coffee or a cup of tea....Two girlfriends separated by distance of space...but never distance of heart...
Today...I am counting my blessings....from 1 to 15!
(or from infinity and beyond....as Buzz Lightyear would say!!)
tired...
Today, I feel as if I could just sleep the day away...no thoughts...just letting things fall away through the comfort of sleep....But, today, I do not have the luxury...today, I need to hurry up...finish up...and clean up!! Not exactly in that order...but I get the picture!! LOL....Today, is the day of finishing...I had good intentions to have this and that all out of the way by now...Christmas comes the same date every year...but so much has happened that I have said "I'll do it tomorrow" one to many days now!... So today, (if I get off this machine NOW) I can start and maybe...just maybe I will be able to get a well deserved nap today!!
You know what they say....
You know what they say....that S#*%! rolls down hill....Today, was the perfect example of it...I have been trying to find a place to put the hurt from yesterday...trying to recover...We had a meeting with the VA office today to fill out some more paper work and just as we were walking out the door...I was asked ..."DO YOU HAVE THIS OR THAT WITH YOU?" Well...I tell you I lost it...I played the pity card...why is it I have to take care of everything? card....How unfair was that...right in the middle of all this I have to turn bitchy and self-centered??? I was having a bad day still from yesterday...and I took it out...(the S#*%! rolling down hill) on someone who can't remember much of anything anymore!! Did I feel like a total jerk???? YES!!! But it ended up better...I apologized... I made it very clear that I was still carrying around the hurt...and that I did not mean to take it out on him, but I was tired...tired of all the running...tired of being responsible for everything...tired of hurting...tired of dealing with this as the ONLY caregiver without a single break (which is really not true because I do get some time to myself) It is funny (not ha-ha funny mind you) what we do to the people we love...how we react and think that it is ok at times...This was one of those times when I thought I was watching a bad movie as I did it...and I could not walk away....But it ended up better...He understood...he consoled ME...he comforted ME...and for the first time in a very long time I felt loved...and that how I felt mattered...
Good...Bad...
Today, was a good day at the Doctor's office...The blood looked good today...so that means we just might have the week off for good behavior...So many emotions are involved in this process...I try as hard as I can to stay up beat and positive.....Today...I was given a blow by someone I love...A blow that went straight to my heart and ripped it in two...I have no idea what this loved one is thinking...except they are only thinking of them self...but they have taken upon them self to deny us the pleasure of things that we love...they find it to hard to be around us....to hard to be around illness...to hard to bring them self here to visit...To hard to allow the littlest of loves to know our company....My heart is broken today...as I have so many other heart breaking things going on and now at this the Christmas season I have been hurt beyond measure....
I do not understand...how anyone I love so much could hurt me so badly...
I do not understand...how anyone I love so much could hurt me so badly...
The kindness of....
Strangers...and friends...and loved ones....Today, when I got back from a short shopping trip the
driveway was shoveled....I was getting ready to rip Michael a new one...thinking that he had done that! When I asked him if he shoveled...he said NO...someone in a snowsuit with a ski mask on did...My heart lit up...it was the neighbor across the street....a young 20 something man with 2 small children ...whose wife I was talking to the other day as we both retrieved our mail..She asked if Michael was OK as she had seen that he has not been going to work...and I told her a little of what we have been going through....And today, they reached out...from across the street with an act of kindness that made my heart swell....And then there is Terri who is an online friend, who is sending me some books...to help to remind me to take care of my own soul...and all who come here...friends that I know in real life...friends that I have come to know in cyber life...There is my Auntie M (who is really not related to me at all) but who has been my benefactor and life line on many occasions...My son...my daughter...My life long friends who support me with calls and cards....my family who has done EVERYTHING possible to ease my troubles...Special people who surround me with such kindness that I am overwhelmed...Special loves that support and send loving and healing light my way...
Nets that have been cast lovingly to catch me if I fall...Angels in the form of written words and heart felt deeds....Today....I am so aware of the kindness of others... Today...I am aware of the blessings that are in my life...
driveway was shoveled....I was getting ready to rip Michael a new one...thinking that he had done that! When I asked him if he shoveled...he said NO...someone in a snowsuit with a ski mask on did...My heart lit up...it was the neighbor across the street....a young 20 something man with 2 small children ...whose wife I was talking to the other day as we both retrieved our mail..She asked if Michael was OK as she had seen that he has not been going to work...and I told her a little of what we have been going through....And today, they reached out...from across the street with an act of kindness that made my heart swell....And then there is Terri who is an online friend, who is sending me some books...to help to remind me to take care of my own soul...and all who come here...friends that I know in real life...friends that I have come to know in cyber life...There is my Auntie M (who is really not related to me at all) but who has been my benefactor and life line on many occasions...My son...my daughter...My life long friends who support me with calls and cards....my family who has done EVERYTHING possible to ease my troubles...Special people who surround me with such kindness that I am overwhelmed...Special loves that support and send loving and healing light my way...
Nets that have been cast lovingly to catch me if I fall...Angels in the form of written words and heart felt deeds....Today....I am so aware of the kindness of others... Today...I am aware of the blessings that are in my life...
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