Perspective...

"Life can only be understood backwards;
but it must be lived forwards."
...SOREN KIERKEGAARD

I received a book in the mail,(Healing Words for the Body, Mind and Spirit by Caren Goldman)) from a sister friend of mine, and I opened it this morning randomly...This quote was at the top of the page about perspective....As I read the few pages written here I was stuck by the wisdom within the pages...We each have a different perspective of every given situation....we each carry our own thoughts on it...and everyone of us has the right to have those thoughts ... those feelings. I have been aware lately that some people feel sorry that "poor Pattie" has to go through all this...that "poor Pattie" somehow has a life "less" then. I have to say that when this first started for me, I did not have time to think about "poor Pattie"...there was to much to do...to many emotions running ramped...as things settled down I did go through a bit of "poor Pattie"... the life that I was leading up to this moment was more of my own...I was able to come and go more as I pleased...attending retreats knowing that Michael was perfectly capable of taking care of his every need...knowing that when I got home the sheets would be changed and the bathroom would be clean and the litter box was empty!! (this was a MUST for me when ever I was away!!) Now, as I settle into the routine of Doctor appointments and VA appointments my perspective has changed...The lesson I am learning is one of PATIENCE...a lesson that I have been hard pressed to learn over my 57 years!! My perspective of life here has changed along with this disease...I am finding strength where there use to be none...I am hearing words that use to go unspoken...I am opening up to things that use to be closed...I have more compassion for others than I use to...I am starting to regain parts of my life that are important to my survival now...I am letting myself do that...I am giving myself permission to NOT give up some of the ways of life that I so enjoyed before this prognosis...Does this mean that I care less? NO....this means that I am from my perspective...living life...and that is what I am suppose to be doing....When someone is ill ...You cannot take that illness away...you can not absorb it...you cannot make it yours...for to do so, brings about an illness for you too...it brings about a "poor me" attitude...it brings about a resentment....Today, these pages and quotes spoke to me...and made me aware that LIFE IS WORTH LIVING...no matter what! And that you have to continue to live till your last day..