Some days are just better than others...

I am not close to Michael's family...it consists of his mother, and his two sisters.
His mother is in a Nursing Home and has no idea who anyone is...sister A lives close to us...Sister B lives several hours away...His sisters are 12 and 14 years OLDER than he was making them in their 70's...In the 28 years that we were together I would venture to guess I have been in their company maybe 20 times...and most of those would of been at family weddings or funerals...So, I am not very close to them at all and really neither was Michael until perhaps the past year when he called them a little more frequently than birthdays, and holidays...
Sister A rubs me the wrong way...ever since she said at our wedding "if you hurt my brother you will have me to deal with" to which I replied...what if he hurts me? The answer was: "then you would of deserved it"!
Sister A called me today...the first time since the celebration which was 3 weeks ago...she was inquiring about certain objects that she thought she should have...WHAT? Several of Michael's rings (which he wanted to go to Collin and my son Jason) His war metals...suitcases that one time belonged to their father...and
a few other things...She threw me off balance...out of whack...It was upsetting to me that she would think I should sort his stuff out and call her about things...I had given her things at the celebration....a bible he carried in Viet Nam...a flag pin that he use to wear...and she had requested some of his ashes (which my brother took care of in a beautiful container I purchased) Sister B got a container too and a pin and their fathers pocket watch....(Sister B was grateful for those things)
I felt as if she wanted me to go and collect those things pronto...and I had to sit and listen to how he was her brother and she wanted these things...She can have the suitcases...she can have the family photos...but the other things are unreasonable to me...because as she said she is grieving...they shared the same blood...they were family after all.....So what does that make me?....CHOPPED LIVER?! An outsider of 28 years?! Can you tell she got to me tonight?!! What do you do with someone like this???? Am I required to keep the peace???? The things I want to say would make a sailors face turn red!

3 comments:

Deb from Denver said...

Oh, wow, this touched a nerve! The entire time my son was sick (almost 2 years) we NEVER heard a word from my brother or his family. They live about 3 miles from us. On Jason's last few days of life, my Dad called my brother to tell him that Jason was nearing the end of his journey, my brother said that 'maybe they should come see him'. It was one of J's wishes that not a lot of people see him like he was so we honored his wish. The day J passed, my brother called my Dad, hysterical, he NEEDED to be with family. They showed up at our home later that evening and all they did was complain about their health (sore back, sore knees, needing new glasses, etc). I guess it's a good thing I was a bit out of it or I would have said more than I should. We saw them again at J's celebration of life, then nothing....for several months. My Dad was rushed to the hospital and while I was waiting in the emergency room, my brother approached me and asked if we had gone through J's belongings, his grandson wanted some of J's baseball caps, he had a large collection of caps. I was speechless!! It still makes me shake my head! I don't know how people can act like that! I think you must have a very big heart to make sure they were given ANYTHING! Sorry, I didn't mean to rant, like I said, this touched a nerve!

I think of you every day and hold you in my heart and prayers. Go ahead and use those sailor words, they might make you feel better!!

terri said...

this kinda stuff hits hard and hurts and sends ya reeling.
if you can, just step back and stay in your space you need to be. ya know? she rubbed you the wrong way in the beginning for a reason. she is no surprise. just remember that and leave her 'over there' ya know? you don't need that stuff....
don't let her seep into your grieving. leave her on the doorstep if you can. actually, leave her on the highway. it's better up there. maybe someone will pick her up and drive her to another coast. grin.
sorry, the visual just came to me....

Joani said...

OMG. The nerve. What is she going to do with these things? After all, she is some 12+ years older than her brother. And, where was she when he was consumed with this illness. Was she there to help you in any sort of way with him? I'm sorry but in my opinion, and, yes, they are just things, and, it's just my opinion, but she would not get anymore than what you gave her. Family blood or no family blood.....Where was she?
Luv & hugs.