All over the board....

I am home...waiting for Michael to finish his round of chemo...doing laundry...picking up...disinfecting...the usual fare that goes on here....But my emotions are all over the board....this past week has been really emotional...as Michael has been in a great deal of pain and insisted that I NOT call the Doctor even after I insisted to many times to count....After getting to the office today, and seeing several of the Docs...it was agreed on that he was experiencing pleurisy caused most likely by the chemo and the speed of the drip that they gave him (which was faster than usual) ...(I'll give you a short explanation at the end of this post of what pleurisy is)...and that by ALL MEANS they should of been called so that they could see him...give him pain meds...He explained that he did not call as it was the weekend and he did not want to go to the emergency room...I gently explained that he would not let me call...against my better judgement I honored his wishes...
But here is where my feelings went all over the board...EVERYONE (friends included) believe I did the WRONG THING...that I should of by passed his wishes and called anyhow...Making me feel inadequate as a caregiver...a wife...But what no one seems to understand is that if I did call (on a weekend when the office is closed) and they told me to get him to the emergency room...he would not go! And how do I get a grown man into the car by force????  How does one do that????  He is certainly at risk for infections...blood clots..
embolisms...and more because of the high dose of chemo....I KNOW THAT...HE KNOWS THAT....But exactly what was I suppose to do????????????????????  So right now my emotions are all over the board...
I am sad...I am disappointed...I am angry...and all I can do is cry....but I am not even sure why I am doing that.....

Pleurisy is an inflammation of the pleura. The pleura is a large, thin membrane that wraps around the outside of the lungs and lines the inside of the chest cavity. Between the layer of the pleura that wraps around the lungs and the layer that lines the chest cavity is a very thin space. This is called the pleural space. The pleural space is normally filled with a small amount of fluid. The fluid helps the two layers of the pleura glide smoothly past each other as the lungs breathe air in and out.
Pleurisy occurs when the two layers of the pleura become inflamed. Inflammation is a protective and healing process characterized by swelling, redness, heat, and pain. The inflamed pleural layers rub against each other every time the lungs expand to breathe in air. This can cause sharp pain with breathing.