Tough...

That would be the word I would use for this past week....Tough...Tough to watch...Tough to be a part of...Tough to witness...But, far less tough on me than on Michael....This past week the chemo has left him
virtually unable to do anything...unable to walk very well without being in extreme pain in his chest...unable to sleep...unable to eat...unable to find a comfortable spot...Michael rarely if ever complains...trying to make everyone else comfortable with humor...but this week there has been very little humor...I have seen him in severe pain...I have seen him cry...I have seen him swear (which he never does!) and I am left with not being able to do anything to take that pain away....Being a woman...a caregiver...a wife...I am accustomed to taking care of people...making sure that their needs are met...and this week I have not been able to do that...I can  give him a hug when his tears come...I  can assure him that people understand when he does not partake in events...I can kiss him on the head as I walk by his chair...I can cover him with a blanket when sleep finally does come...After writing this I see that I CAN be helpful with this CAN-cer....I CAN do things to make his soul comfortable...Perhaps I cannot take the pain away...but I CAN bring a peacefulness my putting my hand on his heart and connecting with him...
It has been a tough week....

2 comments:

terri said...

i am so sorry. and i'm amazed you haven't written a whole lot more of these kinda posts......where you just don't know what you can do. you're so strong, woman.....but there's some stuff that i guess it doesn't matter how strong you are, it's just tough.
i'm so sorry........and thinking of you both.....

Merry ME said...

Oh Patty, I'm sorry too.
Watching someone you love hurt like that is "tough" stuff indeed.
Know you are surrounded and lifted up by a whole host of people and angels.
May the DIvine One bring peace to you and Michael both.