Quiet...

The house is quiet tonight...this is the first night that I am alone in the house with only the kitties...Michael's beloved chair has been removed from the living room and taken away...He lived most of this last year in that chair...I curled up along side him wrapping myself around him as he took his last breath in that chair...And tonight I miss the comfort of that chair...but I know that seeing it empty would not suit me...I cleaned...I dusted and washed and moved furniture...because that is what I do when I am sad...the room is different now...the look is different...the placement of the remaining furniture is different...the smell is different because I could open up a window and let the cold air fill the room instead of having the heat on...
The house is quiet tonight...I am alone...and can't quite see past the writing on this machine...I am numb...I sometimes do not remember how I got from point A to point B...Did I eat?...People have been around me to make sure I did...but tonight I wanted to be here alone...or did I? It seems that everything is bitter sweet...and tonight...I am here alone for the first time with only the kitties..

3 comments:

Merry ME said...

I hear you.
I never captured the full meaning of the word "bittersweet" until recently.
Wrap yourself in love,
M

terri said...

i so wish i could hold you.......
you're alone, yes.
but you're not too.
if you can remember that.
we're out here.
holding you like you wouldn't believe......

Linda Bannan said...

Dear, sweet Pattie, my heart hurts for you. Please move slowly and do your best to be gentle with yourself. Slow and gentle, slow and gentle. And know that you are cared for and loved by many unseen hearts. Wish we could take a long, slow walk together and eat a delicious, long, leisurely meal together and talk, talk, talk. I am with you in spirit dear one.