I know I have posted this before always resonates with my heart whenever I read it...ENJOY, SHARE YOUR LOVE and BE WELL...

you love

“ memories flood in...
regrets tug in one direction...
joys tug in another...
how do you hold a lifetime in your hands?
and what do you do now?
maybe you do the only thing that
ever really mattered -
you love.
you offer love.
you give love.
you receive love.
you breathe love.
you live love.
you love. ”

~terri st. cloud

Glorious Day

They said it was going to rain...and it did sprinkle and looked very dark in the morning...but by 12:30 as people were arriving the sun came was a glorious day...sunny and warm so we could be outside...steaks were grilled and everyone was festive and laughing...we sang Happy Birthday to Michael and we let off balloons we sweet messages and we ate pie with lots of whip cream!! People stayed from 1 till 8 at night....It was a glorious day! plans were made to do it every year in celebration of Michael's life...a wonderful tribute! (we even had our funny nose and mustache glasses! IT WAS GOOD! The little love could not be with us yesterday because of school and a commitment that MOM he came today...he wanted to draw a cake picture to tie at the end of his balloon (because Moma wouldn't let him tie a piece of pie to the string!) and off it went high in the sky with words of love from a grandson to his Papa!
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend....THANK A VET!

Happy Birthday! - Happy Birthday Glitter Graphics

Today is the day of Michael's birth....he would of been only 62 years old....When I think of it in those terms it scares me a little ... as I am almost 60 and that would not leave me with enough time to do all the things I would like to do...But that is what we all say (there is not enough time!)... we use the "time" factor as an excuse NOT to do something...WELL...I for one am going to celebrate Michael's day...I have made his favorite pie this morning and I have some people coming over for a Birthday celebration cook out (that my son is going to do the grilling for!)The menu will consist of all of Michael's favorite foods. We will toast to his birth, for the pleasure of having known him and having him in ours lives, for his wacky sense of humor and his love of life...we will use this "time" to do some of the things WE LIKE TO DO (without any excuses!)
What can you do today that you've been waiting to do? Give yourself a present and open yourself up to the possibilities of the day!

Things I have to get use to....

There are so many things that I have to get use to now that I am living here alone...
Little things...but things that you just become accustomed

1. what to eat for meals ..I only have myself to consider and I really don't care for cooking for one just yet...maybe it will grow on me.

2. What to do for the day...outings...Doctors (oh wait there are only my Dr. appointments and I can actually schedule them in advance)not having to go out every day if I don't want to.

3. Not having to be quiet around the house because someone is sleeping...I can be up till all hours in my studio...running up and down the stairs for various treats (oh yes midnight treats!) and I can play music late at night...

Now these are just a few of the things I have to get use to now that I am here alone...I remember when I got divorced from my 1st husband I was THRILLED to be alone...I was HAPPY and JOYFUL...looking forward to making my own decisions about everything! I don't have that frame of mind right now...but then...I did not choose this situation...

WCS Monster...

Things can be going along at a fairly normal pace and then it smacks you upside the head...The WOULDA...COULDA...SHOULDA...MONSTER! He approaches out of nowhere to nip at your ankles...punch you in the stomach and slap you in the head...If I knew what I know now I "would" of been a better companion...If I "could" just have another day to say all the things that went unsaid...I "should" of been a little more attentive in the years before he got sick...I push and shove this monster away because I know I did the best that I could on most days...but there were those other days...those days when I did not do my best...I can't go backwards...I can't change them...I can only believe that he forgave me and knows that I forgave him for any of the woulda...coulda...shoulda's! How is it that when we are feeling most vulnerable we just seem to love to throw that WCS Monster into the mix also??? What makes me do that? I am trying very hard today to dive into my work to makes sure this monster stays at bay...I am pushing him toward the window to fall 2 stories...Maybe that will put an end to him today!

How did that happen?

My daughter turned 38 this morning at 6:27 AM!! How did that happen? That beautiful bundle of shocking orange hair and pretty pink face...those tiny rose bud lips...perfectly formed...all ten fingers and toes...TURNED 38!!!!!!!!!!
Of course I was a child bride myself!!..A mere babe of 21...Very young by todays standards but pretty much on cue for my era!
I remember 38...I was married, living in this house that was brand new then...I had gone through my surgery and was mending...both physically and emotionally...Lea would of been a Junior in High School (if my math is correct!!)Life was SO good...
Life is still is just different...and today, my daughter, grandson, son, and mother will gather for a celebration meal...My daughter turned 38 this morning and that makes me OLD! LOL

No Clue...

I have no clue as to what Blogger did with the Sister A ...LOL But it is probably better that it disappeared...Seeing as I have always know she was self centered so I really wasn't surprised....And I am feeling better today...So I will get to those things when I get to those things and not a second before I am ready to do that...I have been working on a project that needs to be completed within the next few weeks...and I have been playing in the gardens...washing windows...putting in screens!! Feeling like I can "bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan"! (if you are to young to remember that commercial I am sorry!)

Some days are just better than others...

I am not close to Michael's consists of his mother, and his two sisters.
His mother is in a Nursing Home and has no idea who anyone is...sister A lives close to us...Sister B lives several hours away...His sisters are 12 and 14 years OLDER than he was making them in their 70's...In the 28 years that we were together I would venture to guess I have been in their company maybe 20 times...and most of those would of been at family weddings or funerals...So, I am not very close to them at all and really neither was Michael until perhaps the past year when he called them a little more frequently than birthdays, and holidays...
Sister A rubs me the wrong way...ever since she said at our wedding "if you hurt my brother you will have me to deal with" to which I replied...what if he hurts me? The answer was: "then you would of deserved it"!
Sister A called me today...the first time since the celebration which was 3 weeks ago...she was inquiring about certain objects that she thought she should have...WHAT? Several of Michael's rings (which he wanted to go to Collin and my son Jason) His war metals...suitcases that one time belonged to their father...and
a few other things...She threw me off balance...out of whack...It was upsetting to me that she would think I should sort his stuff out and call her about things...I had given her things at the celebration....a bible he carried in Viet Nam...a flag pin that he use to wear...and she had requested some of his ashes (which my brother took care of in a beautiful container I purchased) Sister B got a container too and a pin and their fathers pocket watch....(Sister B was grateful for those things)
I felt as if she wanted me to go and collect those things pronto...and I had to sit and listen to how he was her brother and she wanted these things...She can have the suitcases...she can have the family photos...but the other things are unreasonable to me...because as she said she is grieving...they shared the same blood...they were family after all.....So what does that make me?....CHOPPED LIVER?! An outsider of 28 years?! Can you tell she got to me tonight?!! What do you do with someone like this???? Am I required to keep the peace???? The things I want to say would make a sailors face turn red!

What category do I fall under?

I was filling out paperwork know the kind where you have to check the boxes...and I came to the area that asked...SINGLE...MARRIED...DIVORCED...WIDOWED.
I looked at it...thought about it...looked at it again. What "tag" should I use?
Should I use WIDOWED or SINGLE...because technically I am BOTH!(and if truth be told I have been all of them at sometime of my life!) I left it blank...
When asked why I did not answer question #7...I politely said that I did not think it mattered...For what reason did they need to know that? Was it a survey on how many of each category was filling out the questionnaire? They did not have an answer for me...and I did not offer them the information....I wonder if they just picked one after I left!..I still have my wedding ring on...they could assume that I am married.
So it made me think about it this evening...
Just what category am I???

Spring has Sprung!

Spring has finally arrived in upstate New most always takes its time getting here, but it is always well worth the wait...The windows are thrown open...
the smell of fresh mowed grass perfumes the air...everything is turning green and
the flowers peek up from their winter sleep...And then....there are the chores of Spring! So, I decided I would tackle some of it!

1. Uncover the furniture (X)
2. Rake out the leaves (X)
3. Put together the two man glider...(wait a minute, I've never done that before!)
4. Hook up the electrical for both of the water fountains..(that was not my job!)
5. Weed the gardens (X)

Now, what do I do about number 3 and 4?...I decided I could call someone to help...
OR I could tackle it myself!...It took a bit of time to uncover all the parts to these projects...(did I ever watch this being done before? I'm not to sure I did because I was probably busy weeding my gardens!)

I pulled up my big girl panties..and decided I could do this...after a bit of frustration everything was done!

I sat down on the glider and cried...

Cried because it was now a one woman glider...but the soft sound of the water flowing from the fountains began to sooth me as I continued to cry....but now I was crying because I ACTUALLY DID THIS...without any help!...I cried because I was proud of myself!...cried because I was alone!...and cried because life is going on!...

It turned out to be a wonderful experience...(although a sad one) But it made me realize that I am much stronger and more capable than I ever have been in my life.
And today the sun is shining...the birds are singing and I will get to see the rewards of my hard work!


Love NEVER Dies...

I do not know why TODAY I opened this mail that has been in my mailbox for weeks...but I can only believe that it is another SIGN that LOVE NEVER DIES!

Christine asked for response from is the letter I wrote this morning.


I lost my husband on April 15th of this year...after a 3 1/2 year battle with a cancer that we knew from the
start was not was his wish to transition at home in his beloved chair...A series of miracles
happened that day...2 women whom I am very close to appeared at my home (totally unplanned)...we sat and talked and laughed
(which was an uncommon event in the evening at my home) Michael was asleep in his chair...he I am sure
heard the love for ME there...and he began to prepare himself for the journey he was about to take...We played
his favorite soft jazz and I curled up in the beloved chair with him as he took his final breath...a truly bittersweet
moment...I will carry that moment in my heart forever...He is my love and my hero...

Is the house empty? Physically Yes it is....but the love and the laughter of 26 years is held in each and every
corner....signs come from all around me that things are going to be fine...A church sign that read: REJOICE IT IS A BRAND NEW DAY....My very first book contract, (which my husband always positively said, "when"
they publish it never "if" the publish it!) Getting up each and every day knowing that I am able to CREATE it anyway I choose!
And I choose LIFE....I choose LIVING...I choose LOVE...

Do I have my moments? Of course I do...but then I find another moment to remember something sweet, or I see something in this house that brings back something meaningful...Life as I knew it has changed...but life as I know
it is very much the same.

So I share with you a comforting poem...

To Those Who Mourn
(an excerpt)

For that is the real truth;
man is a soul and has a body.
The body is not the man; it is only
the clothing of the man.
What you call death is the laying aside
of a worn-out garment, and it is no more
the end of the man than it is the end of you
when you remove your coat.
Therefore you have not lost your friends;
you have only lost sight of the cloak in which
you were accustomed to see him.
The cloak is gone, but the man who
wore it is not;
Surely it is the man that you love and not
the garment.
C. W. Leadbeater

Thank you Christine for your wonderful insight into death...for your emotionally honest video...May it help another
who needs it the way it helped me this morning!

Blessings to you and to Nanook.
Patricia Mosca
----- Original Message -----


Some days you have to look for happiness in the know, the corners that you push it into!
We can get caught up in the drama, the unexpected, the disappointments, the hurt, the anger...and never see the happiness....

I am looking in all my corners today! Can you?
And I am going to create a great day with that happiness!


Gathering signs...

Today, I am aware of "signs" that are coming my way to let me know that everything is
going to be alright....That I have permission to grieve...permission to laugh...
permission to take a nap...permission to do nothing at all...permission to do anything I want to...
Today, I am aware of "signs" that are coming my way to let me know that everything is going to be alright...