quiet...

It has been a very quiet day today...the phone has hardly rung (which is a blessing and a terror)..
I don't have to answer questions...(the blessing) and I don't have to answer questions (the terror) Now why is that????
I know that doesn't make much sense...but it does to me...sometimes answering the question "How are you doing?". Is a difficult one to answer...because most of the time...I don't know how I am doing! Which sort of makes me laugh as I type that!!(so what else is new...did you ever know how you were doing?!?! LOL) And then, when the phone doesn't ring...I wonder if perhaps my words are too much for people to hear...and yet I have to get them out...Oh what a circle!! So today, is a quiet day...Michael has been sleeping most of the day which means comes Monday when they do his blood work they will tell us once again that a blood transfusion is necessary...which tells me that things are not really any better...Hard to hold on to hope when that seems to be what happens...As the days drift into weeks I watch....I see the difference in his mood..in his temperament...in his body...His skin is starting to hang on his bones as his muscles break down...He has a difficult time walking and side steps a lot to keep his balance...And now there is a smell about him....I am not sure what that smell is or how to describe it to myself...but as I look into those green eyes I see something that was not there before...I see a murky film...a lack of sparkle...a vacant look...
And with this quiet day...I have a sense of fear...I know that I am not the only person who has ever gone through something like this...I know that I am not the only person going through this at this very moment...but today, in the quiet...I feel very much alone.