What is my job????

So another day at the Doctor's office...we go every Monday morning to have blood drawn to see if the chemo has been effective in any way in stopping the growth of the protein cells that his bone marrow makes...and the ONLY way you know if it is NOT working is...if he has to have a blood transfusion....And the second week running since we started chemo treatments....He has to have a blood transfusion! Now, I am NO... rocket scientist...NO.. math wizard...NO...noble prize winner...and I am certainly NOT a brain surgeon...but I don't think it takes any of those to tell me what is going on here....His body continues to make the bad protein cells....He did gain a pound!! Must be that none stop eating that the prednisone does to his appetite...They did tell us today, that the cancer is in 75% of his bone marrow...and that we must be patient...and hopeful...HELLO!!
Tell me something I don't know!! Now....I am not MAD...I am frustrated...So...What is my job???
My job is to educate myself....My job is to find out as much as I possibly can to become an informed caregiver...My job is to know what questions to ask to get the answers that I need...My job is to be a cheerleader...My job is to be a chief ...cook...and bottle washer....My job is to be the strength when the chips are down...My job is to take care of paperwork...housework...bills...home repairs...My job...is to give unconditional love....(That is the most important job of all!)
In this day of so many law suits against Doctors I understand their need to cover all the bases...I understand that when dealing with cancer there are those that survive (even against all odds) and those that do not...( I am a cancer survivor for 22 years now) I understand that faith and hope are the corner stones of most peoples recovery or with their ability to live with cancer. I understand all of this....but as I sit here tonight....I am wanting to have some straight forward answers....How many times do we do these treatments? How long do we have in between each round? What are the other options that we have? What should I be prepared for? These are questions that my good husband does not want answers for...So it is my job...to find these answers out to ease my mind...to let me be better able to care for him....and cheer him on!! That is my job also....PHEW!! To many jobs if you ask me....Can I turn in my time card?!?!? And do I get overtime?!?!? ....Tomorrow as I sit for the 3 hours as he gets his blood transfusion...I bought a new book to read...TWILIGHT ...Hope it is a good one...thought it was appropriate...it is about vampires!! At least I still have my sense of humor!!

1 comment:

Brenda said...

Your job is to keep letting your heart shine through the thick sad clouds.......and I know that you are doing a fantastic job!
Love you,
brenda bliss